Thank you for your response, stepmother. Words of wisdom for sure. We have been down this road before. In fact, when he first arrived here, we set him up in his own apt, and he had everything he needed. The apartment was in town, so he could walk to his workplace. He was able to obtain an old clunker to drive, but soon sold it, and the apartment rent was in arrears just a few months afterwards. He left it as it was, and we had to clean it up - it was filthy - the vinyl flooring was almost black. This boy has had more jobs in the last six years than I've had in my lifetime. He cannot work with people, yet he becomes "bored" when tasked on a job to himself, and, as a result, has either quit or been fired from all of them. He has lost his license due to numerous DWIs. Has been living with a girl, at least when they are not fighting. Other times, he stays with what few friends he still has left, as most of them have finally realized what a moocher he is. To make matters even more complicated, he and his on again/off again girlfriend brought a child into the world last November. We had to pay her rent this month due to him not having job to help out with expenses. The child has the personality of an angel, but doesn't seem to have a snowball's chance due to his parents.
I think perhaps men and women may have different views on a problem such as this. Women are mothers first and foremost, and always will be. Based on my experience with my own mother, I believe Moms generally do not realize that their children have grown up, and always treat them somewhat as "children" all their lives. Men, on the other hand, are so discouraged, disappointed, and enraged when they see an adult male acting like, and being treated like, a child.
I think he is afraid of commitment and responsibility. Have you ever known someone that you just had this feeling about - a feeling that "he will never amount to anything"? I thought for sure he would get his act together when his son came into the world, but if anything, he has become worse. Due to prior run-ins with the law, next week he will begin serving a 30 day jail sentence for misdemeanor drug charges. He was actually given 18 months probation, but with no job, no car, he cannot pay the monthly fees, nor get to the required classes and probation meetings.
For sure, this is not the only problem within the marriage, however, it has to be the main one.