When someone in the family unit is suffering a midlife crisis, his behavior may well be intolerable, embarrassing and painful to those who are closest to him. This takes its toll on everyone in the family.No matter how patient family members try to be, at some point, they are going to become fed up, and may grow to hate the person who is selfishly acting out--not only at his own expense, but at the expense of his entire family.
A midlife crisis, unfortunately, is a family affair, and everyone involved is going to be affected in some way.
When parents are painfully absorbed in their own issues, they are not spending quality time with their children or giving their kids enough attention. The children will resent this, and may purposely act out to get a rise out of their parents. The parents may, in their grief and fury, drag the children into the mix, exposing the child to far more than she should be made aware of. Some adult stuff is just that: Adult stuff. Kids shouldn't have to deal with it.
Some children may act out by becoming sullen, withdrawn and uncommunicative. Their grades may drop, and their physical appearance and personal hygiene may go into decline. Some children will opt to self-medicate (as by drinking or smoking pot) because they can't deal with the pain and turmoil, and there is no one to help them because their parents can't even deal with their own demons, let alone help the child navigate this slippery slope.
I would suggest to Seek help. Get yourself, your spouse and your children to a qualified therapist and work your way through this morass. Do not be afraid to reach out and ask for help. It takes time to heal open wounds, and it may take an experienced and qualified professional to guide you in this undertaking. Don't assume that everyone and everything is OK, just because, superficially, it may appear that way.
Hope this helps.......
Best Of Luck !!!