Lisa Wambold, 42-year old mother of two grown daughters
A 42-year old woman with two adult daughters needed a great deal of guidance and support from a law firm when her husband suddenly began an affair and became abusive.Lisa Wambold, now 42 and the mother of two daughters in their 20's, got married at the tender age of 17. Twenty years later in 2001, just after her wedding anniversary, her husband was on the verge of turning 40, and her father had recently passed away. Suddenly, she learned that her husband was having an affair with one of her friends. Shortly after, her husband became abusive, turning his pent-up anger toward his wife.
Lisa never believed in divorce. She always thought it was wrong and took "till death do us part" very seriously. It was a commitment for life, as far as she was concerned, so she spent many months trying to make the marriage work even after learning of her husband's affair. When she began Christian counseling, however, it was her counselor who finally recommended that she separate from her husband.
The separation happened just as her daughters were leaving for college. With everyone gone from the house, Lisa felt very alone and abandoned. In order to cope with so many losses, she was forced to take antidepressants for 18 months. She also found herself gaining weight.
As a result of working with Rosen Law Firm, Lisa was able to better deal with the aftermath of the divorce. She no longer takes antidepressants and has already lost 43 pounds. The divorce was far from smooth, as Lisa's ex-husband's still had many control issues over her. As a result, her attorney suggested she work with a divorce coach.
Lisa still passes along to others the advice given to her by her coach - to keep the divorce on a business basis. The coach asked Lisa, "Would you allow a business associate to treat you the way he's treating you?" Lisa emphatically said, "No!" and learned from the coach to give her ex-husband one warning when he stepped out of bounds. If he refused to stop, she would simply hang up the phone, and she found that this strategy worked very well for her.
Lisa is still searching for a way to deal with holidays. In the beginning, she allowed her ex-husband to join her and their daughters for Christmas, but this no longer works. They thought they would be able to maintain a friendship when they found new partners, but they have had to come to terms with the reality that this isn't going to happen. Lisa's ex is now living with someone new, so the girls visit him part of the time for the holidays and spend the rest of their time with Lisa. This was very difficult for Lisa last Christmas, which proved to be a very emotional time.
Still, Lisa feels it's important for people to know that there is life after divorce. She's quick to add that it's a process, however. "I lacked patience," she says. "I thought I could just be done with this in a year and be over with it and ready to move on. Well, it doesn't happen that way. Here it is four years later, and I'm still dealing with it. But every day, it gets easier."
First, she had to acknowledge that she is now a single, divorced person. She spent time in group counseling, meeting with people who were going through the same thing. She says that Bible study also helped her to become healthy again. It was through these experiences that she learned she deserved a second beginning.
"God did for me what I couldn't do for myself," Lisa says. "He took me out of a relationship that was controlling and ended up being abusive. The positive side is I'm away from that. I'm free. I'm moving forward. I'm growing, and there is a life. I'm going to find it."
Today, even though she admits she's still dealing with trust issues, Lisa is enjoying her life with new friends. She participates in activities she never imagined she would try like kayaking and hiking in the mountains.
"When I get to the top of the mountain, there's a closeness to God," Lisa says. "A few weeks ago, there were butterflies just flying around, dancing. I took that as God saying, 'You're going to make it. You're going to be fine. Just soar. Fly away.'"
