When Your Kids Take Sides

do-you-ask-your-kids-to-take-sides-after-a-divorceKids are often torn during divorce. They love and respect both parents, but their parents no longer love or respect each other—and that’s pretty confusing for a child (even a grown one). Kids may gravitate toward one parent and push the other away as part of the natural process, but what they’d really rather do is keep a healthy, strong relationship with each. While your Charlotte divorce lawyer can work with you to create a fair custody agreement that’s in the kids’ best interests, it’s up to you to ensure that they don’t take sides with you or their other parent.

Confiding in Kids: Don’t Cross that Bridge
While it may be tempting to talk to your kids about your divorce, psychologists suggest that it can be emotionally harmful to them. Hearing how Mom wronged Dad or how Dad’s moving on with someone better than Mom puts kids in a tough spot, and they’d rather go without the sordid details than contend with emotions like anger toward a parent.

When you give your kids adult information, they process it differently than we do; they lack the emotional maturity to understand and cope with adult problems. In many cases, kids who hear one parent’s laundry list about where the marriage went wrong start resenting the parent they perceive to be at fault. The result? Kids who take a stand against one parent, potentially harming the relationship for a lifetime.

Parental Alienation Demolishes Relationships
Parental alienation, or the practice of one parent attempting to alienate the other, hurts everyone involved. Yes, it hurts the alienated parent in ways that nothing else can—but it also hurts the kids involved. Kids who are victims of parental alienation lose a special bond that’s hard to get back, and it can affect their future relationships as well.

Keep Your Charlotte Divorce Lawyer Informed
If you suspect your child is a victim of parental alienation, let your Charlotte divorce lawyer know right away. Parental alienation can affect custody agreements, so it’s best to make your suspicions known immediately.

Rather than confiding in your kids and encouraging them to take sides, let them know that you and your ex love them unconditionally. You and your kids will be healthier and more emotionally stable when parenting can continue without the added stress of anger, confusion and hurt.