Some people just aren’t good human beings. They lie, cheat and steal without even considering the collateral damage they may be causing. As an adult, you know that—but your kids are a different story. If your ex is a horrible person, is it okay to tell your kids?
Probably not.
Even if they ask you directly, your Durham divorce lawyer will probably advise you not to tell them more than you need to. But should you lie to them to protect them?
Lying to Kids During Divorce: Is it Ever OK?
Children are naturally inquisitive. From the first, “Why?” they’re wired to want to learn everything about their environments. During a divorce, they’ll probably have more questions than you could ever reasonably expect to answer—but when they ask these questions, you should deliver an age-appropriate truth. Lying will erode their trust in you once they uncover the truth, but again, age-appropriate answers are key.
Spare them the details whenever possible; no child wants to know how awful one of their parents is. Even if they did want to know, you could cause permanent damage to the parent-child relationship they enjoy with your ex.
Lying with malicious intentions is never okay. If you’re trying to make your ex look bad, stop. It’s not healthy for you or your kids, and it could make an impact on your child custody case. It could even affect whether your children want to continue to live with you or visit you.
Getting Professional Help
Kids of divorce can benefit from seeing a counselor or therapist who knows how to field the tough questions. If you’re having a hard time explaining what they want to know, think about asking your lawyer if he or she knows a local professional who can help.
When Your Ex Lies to Your Kids
Because lying can cause deep emotional wounds that continue to cause your children pain later in life, it’s important to let your lawyer know if your ex is making up stories to tell your kids. Even if he or she has honorable intentions, lying is rarely the right thing to do to shield a child from the trauma of divorce.
