If you’re reading this, you’re probably either going through a separation right now or you have reason to expect that you’ll be involved in a child custody dispute soon. We know this is a tough time, and we’re sorry you’ve found yourself here—but we believe you can reach a workable child custody arrangement if you’re willing to follow the advice in this book. We’ve put together information that can help you navigate any issue that may arise during your child custody determination, whether you resolve things amicably, duke everything out in court, or use an alternative dispute resolution method.
Before we tell you what’s coming in the rest of the book, we want to start with the most important point about resolving child custody disputes. Ready?
Always, Always, Always Put Your Child’s Needs First
That’s it. Put your own emotions aside: the harsh words you’ve exchanged with your soon-to-be-ex, the hurt feelings you’ve both suffered, the expense and anxiety that this whole process is costing both of you. Forget all of that and focus on what is best for your child.
It’s simple, but believe us, it’s not always easy. We’ll talk about this concept a lot during this book, and if it’s all you remember, you’ll do right by your kids.
Let’s look at what else we’ll cover in the pages to come.
Overview of This Book
In Chapter 1, we explain the basics you’re going to need to know about child custody disputes. First, we discuss how you should work together with your co-parent. From there, we’ll look at some legal terminology and dispel a few myths about what terms like “joint custody” and “legal custody” mean. We’ll also discuss different ways to establish and enforce child custody arrangements, whether by agreement or court order. Finally, we’ll look at whether you need to go to court at all.
Chapter 2 takes a deep dive into a term that, as we said, you’ll hear a lot: the best interests of the child or children. We discuss what this means as a legal standard and who gets to decide what’s in the child’s best interests. This chapter wraps up with some frequently asked questions.
The truth is, most people settle their child custody disputes outside of a courtroom, so Chapter 3 takes a close look at different ways to avoid going to court. We’ll cover the pros and cons of working out child custody informally. In this chapter, we’ll take up a common question: do you need lawyers at all? We’ll also review some alternative dispute resolution methods that you might be interested in, from mediation and arbitration to collaborative divorce.
Of course, there are also times when your dispute requires the intervention of a judge. That’s why we have Chapter 4, which provides real-world advice about how to prepare for your day in court. We start by explaining why the judge’s impression of you matters and how you can get started on the right foot. We’ll also discuss the importance of having a lawyer in court and how you can use evidence, witnesses, and records to establish your case.
Chapter 5 takes on a difficult topic: high-conflict divorces. In this chapter, we’ll first explain what it means to be in a high-conflict custody dispute. We’ll talk about a few tools that might help with a high-conflict situation, from parenting coordinators and guardians ad litem (commonly called GALs) to custody evaluations. This chapter closes with important tips for how you can protect your kids during a high-conflict custody dispute.
In Chapter 6, we’ll discuss one situation that can cause a lot of conflict: relocation during (or after) a child custody dispute. This chapter reviews what relocation means for custody determinations and walks you through how you can modify custody orders or agreements. Because relocations are hard to manage, we’ll also give you some concrete recommendations for what to do first. We’ve also got some terrific tips for long-distance parenting, including how you can use technology to stay close with your kids no matter how far away they are. Even if you’re not long-distance parenting, you’re likely to find something helpful here.
Chapter 7 gets into another challenging situation: custody disputes in relationships that involve domestic violence. We start by explaining what the law considers domestic violence to be and how domestic violence protective orders (DVPOs) can help. This chapter covers how you can get a DVPO and what you should do first. It also wraps up with some tips for keeping you and your kids safe.
While domestic violence is unfortunately quite common, Chapter 8 takes us to a relatively infrequent issue: international child custody issues, including cross-border child abduction. We start by discussing reasonable travel restrictions that you may want to implement during and after your separation. From there, we’ll explain what the Hague Abduction Convention is and what it means for international child custody disputes. This chapter also provides some basic information about how to obtain children’s passports as well as safety measures for handling children’s passports during a custody dispute.
Finally, in Chapter 9, we wrap up with tips for successful joint parenting. This chapter explains what co-parenting is and why it’s so important. We talk you through how you can learn to co-parent during your separation. We’ll circle back to high-conflict situations to give some additional advice about navigating conflict, which applies to all separations at times. We’ll close out this chapter—and the book—with co-parenting tips we’ve learned over the years.
The road ahead of you may be difficult, but by putting your children first, you can get through this. In fact, if you work hard at it, you may emerge on the other side of this challenging time with stronger relationships with your children and better communication with your ex than you ever achieved during the marriage itself.
Let’s get started.
