What is a Gray Divorce?
The phrase “gray divorce”, or late life divorce, is used for those divorcing later in life. This article will examine some of the special issues that accompany these later in life divorces.
Even though the divorce rate for younger couples is decreasing, the rate for those divorcing later in life is on the rise. The gray divorce rate has doubled since 1990. And, gray divorce is three times higher for remarried couples than first time married couples. Why is that?
Younger couples have different attitudes about marriage than their grandparents. They are career focused and marrying at a later age. They may live together first, giving a sample run at “playing house” before the marriage commitment. These younger generations are approaching marriage in a way that in turn is keeping them married while gray divorce numbers are increasing.
There are many reasons for the upswing in gray divorce. Often, we hear of parties separating because of their empty nest. The children are out of the house, and the parents’ lives take on a new rhythm. Couples are forced to spend time together, and many realize that they have grown apart and that they have little in common. Some folks take the time to re-discover who they are after the children leave the home. There can be a renewed interest in self-improvement, hobbies, and lifestyle changes. At this point, some couples grow apart even more.
Also, at midlife, health issues can become prominent. Some people face their health problems with improved diets and exercise, while others can become more sedentary. Aging can often mean increased health challenges. Some folks will sit around and complain about how bad they feel, yet their partner may take steps to become healthier. These health concerns certainly can relate to sex drive changes. Yet, another issue for aging couples.
And while mentioning health, at midlife, some people can really question how they want to spend the remainder of their life. A common question can be: Is this really who I want to live with for the rest of my days?
As women have made progress in the workplace, more married females have financial freedom and independence. This increase in freedom and financial security is much more than what their stay-at-home mothers possessed. Mature women today are not financially forced to stay married.
Finances can be a difficult issue for married people as they near retirement and have peaked with their careers. In our younger years, we can have the notion that we have plenty of time to make money through our careers and investments. But as we age, we might be forced more to a budget and to take less risky financial decisions. Which can in turn mean less deposable income.
Financial consequences are serious in a gray divorce. But there are other consequences. Studies show that gray divorcees face loneliness and isolation, especially men, which can be a trigger for depression and other health related issues. Women tend to stay in touch with family and friends more than men. Divorced older people will often fret over having no caregiver and being alone. Blood pressure rates for older men tend to be higher for divorced men.
The longer a couple has been married, the more likely their financial situation is complex. The most valuable asset for many couples is their home. For sentimental reasons, one party may want to keep the family home. But a party should honestly ask: should I keep it? What will the upkeep be? Will the home become a financial drain? Retirement funds and 401 Ks need to be divided. One should think long and hard over giving up retirement monies just to keep an empty house. Autos, boats, and second homes need to be distributed as well.
