Finding a Marriage Counselor

There is limited regulation regarding who can call themselves marriage counselors, so it’s important to be alert when choosing some-one to help you. Many who are trained to work with individuals expand their practices to include marriage counseling, but they may have limited training and experience in the unique skills required to effectively help couples. Marital therapy is the most difficult form of therapy. A therapist whose style when working with individuals is to be empathetic and clarifying can be overwhelmed when faced with a couple’s conflict. Such a therapist may revert to persuading the couple to work on their issues individually. This approach can lead to failure, because the couple did not come to work on individual problems. Usually one spouse was reluctant to get help together and is likely to be even less willing to go to individual therapy.

Because of the special skills required in counseling couples, you need to make sure you learn of the training and educational back-ground of any counselor you are considering. If the therapist is self-taught or workshop-trained and can’t point to significant education in this work, then consider going elsewhere. It’s also useful to ask what percentage of the counselor’s practice is marital therapy. Be careful if a counselor is mostly focused on individual therapy.
The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) is the primary professional association for marriage therapists. Membership in the association requires a minimum of a master’s degree and specific graduate training in marriage and family therapy, including supervision by experienced therapists. The AAMFT website includes a therapist-locator service.

While the AAMFT site may represent an easy way to get the names of some therapists, it can also be helpful to ask friends, family members, a religious leader, or, if your company has one, an employee-assistance counselor. The best source of information about professionals, however, is the other professionals. If you know or are seeing a counselor, ask that person for a referral to a marriage counselor. Your own individual therapist has the added advantage of knowing not just the mental health professional community but also your personality and situation, which can help your therapist recommend someone who would be a particularly good fit for you and your spouse.

When considering therapists, remember to ask about their fees, what insurance they accept, and the average length of therapy. While costs are legitimately a part of your decision process, recognize that making a choice because a certain therapist is covered by your insurance plan or promises quick results may be very short sighted. If you believe you may be able to save your marriage, we suggest that you get the best help possible. If you are successful, you will likely save greatly in the long run.

Finally, after you look at a therapist’s credentials and experience and consider any recommendations you receive, do two more things. First, trust your instincts. Make sure this is someone you feel comfortable sharing intimate and emotional information with. Second, make sure that your spouse is also comfortable with the choice. If he or she is a reluctant participant, you need to make doubly sure that the counselor is someone you are both comfortable with.

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