You’ve probably heard it (or some variation) a thousand times during your divorce:
“Chin up! It’ll be okay!”
Well-meaning friends and family members who care about you don’t want to see you hurting, so they offer their best… again, and again, and again. While they’re right—it will eventually be okay—it’s also okay to indulge yourself with a private pity party now and then during your divorce.
Why Shouldn’t You Feel Sorry for Yourself?
The real answer is that you should feel sorry for yourself. Recognizing that you’re going through what’s widely regarded as one of life’s hardest situations is a healthy part of coping with divorce. If we’re being completely honest, it’s a royal pain to have to come up with mounds of paperwork, call your Chapel Hill divorce lawyer and tell him or her you’re running behind for a meeting, and somehow juggle kids and work in between.
Throwing Yourself a Great Pity Party
Curl up on the couch with a fuzzy blanket and a good book. Pop in your favorite movie (there are plenty of tear-jerkers to choose from) and sit down with a bowl of ice cream. Sit in a canoe and occasionally flick your fishing line in and out of the water. As long as you follow the Pity Party Rulebook, there’s nothing wrong with indulging your sad feelings now and then.
The Pity Party Rulebook
Like any respectable party, there are limits to what you can and can’t do.
- No alcohol. Alcohol and sadness do not mix. Period. Aside from the fact that every psychologist and physician on the planet will tell you not to drink to “cheer up,” you could end up with some significant problems on your hands that can jeopardize your divorce case.
- Keep the end in sight. While it’s actually healthy to let yourself feel sad, do your best to shake it off when you get back into your daily activities. If you can’t seem to let your sadness go, even temporarily, ask your Chapel Hill divorce lawyer for a referral to a local counselor or therapist; you might be suffering from depression, which is very different from ordinary sadness.
- Be ready to switch gears. Go ahead and let yourself enjoy what you’re doing at your pity party. You might find that you started out feeling bummed, but you’re starting to have fun—and if that happens, just go with the flow. Smile. Laugh. Relax. Repeat.
Once the Party’s Over
Grief and sadness are necessary emotions while coping with divorce, but remember that the way you’re feeling now won’t last forever. Your Chapel Hill divorce lawyer will help you sort out all the legal aspects of your case, from child custody to property division, so you don’t have to worry about all those details. It never hurts to talk to an impartial third party, either, so don’t be afraid to ask your attorney for a referral to a counselor to help you sort through the emotional process.
