The separation is under way.  You’ve moved out, gotten your own place, and you’re starting to think about moving on with your life.  You’re starting to notice other people when you go out and want someone to spend time with, someone who appreciates your company.  In short, you’re thinking about dating again.  While this may sound like a good idea, there are several problems to consider.

The best advice that you would get from your Raleigh divorce lawyer is simple—don’t do it.  Dating can have both personal and legal consequences that can be harmful to your divorce action.

Under North Carolina General Statute 50-6, a couple must be separated for one year before a divorce is final.  Even though separated, you are still technically married until the court enters the order granting the divorce.

North Carolina law still permits an action for “alienation of affection” against a third party whom the plaintiff feels is responsible for ending the marriage.  Even if you did not begin dating someone until after the date of separation, a suspicious former spouse may see the new boyfriend or girlfriend as the cause of the marriage’s end and bring a court action.  This action has a three year statute of limitations and doesn’t require sexual relations, unlike an action for “criminal conversation”.

The good news, however, is that both of these actions have defenses that can be raised in court.  For “alienation of affection”, a defendant can prove that no love and affection existed between the husband and wife.

Another defense exists under General Statute 52-13, which allows a defendant to prove that an act giving rise to the claim for “alienation of affection” or “criminal conversion” occurred after the date of separation.  Essentially, if you can prove that the relationship did not begin until after you separated, it hurts your former spouse’s claim that your boyfriend or girlfriend caused the marriage’s end.

Beyond these actions, dating can have an effect on any post-separation support you may receive.  Under General Statute 50-16.2A, amongst the factors a judge can consider in granting support is any martial misconduct by the parties.  Marital misconduct can include abandonment and “illicit sexual behavior.”  A former spouse could use evidence of your relationship, similar to the “alienation of affection” and “criminal conversion” claims, to argue that you are at fault for ending the marriage and deserve less financial support.

However, emotions aren’t governed by logic and reason, and if you are absolutely insistent on being able to date before the divorce is final, your Raleigh divorce lawyer can help you by drafting a post-separation agreement, which is authorized by General Statue 52-10.1.

The post-separation agreement acts as a contract between the spouses during the period of separation.  It can govern everything from financial support to relations between the parties.  This can include dating, permitting each party to see other people without a fear of legal action or loss of support.  In drafting the agreement, you should keep in mind that the terms will define what each party is permitted to do, so you and your Raleigh defense lawyer should be careful with what it says.

Again, the best thing to do while separated is to stay single.  If you must, do consult with your Raleigh defense lawyer before beginning to see someone romantically and discuss your options, including the possibility of a post-separation agreement.

When you suspect your spouse is being unfaithful during your divorce, you may be tempted to check his or her cell phone caller ID. While that’s completely understandable (any Raleigh divorce lawyer can tell you that they’ve had past clients in their offices in similar situations), it’s not always the best idea.

If you have checked your spouse’s cell phone caller ID, let your Raleigh divorce lawyer know. Although it may not have any bearing on your case, telling your Raleigh divorce lawyer everything is a good idea.

Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer’s Role

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer needs to know about infidelity before and during your divorce. Regardless of whether you checked your spouse’s cell phone caller ID, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will need to know if you have any evidence of infidelity – or if you, yourself, were unfaithful. The reason your Raleigh divorce lawyer needs to know these types of things is to better protect your best interests in court.

Simply checking a spouse’s cell phone caller ID during divorce cannot prove infidelity.

The Downsides to Checking Your Spouse’s Caller ID

There are several “downsides” to checking your spouse’s cell phone caller ID during your divorce. The suspicion or proof of your spouse’s cheating may be what led you to your Raleigh divorce lawyer in the first place, and continuing to torture yourself by checking his or her cell phone caller ID isn’t emotionally healthy.

Getting caught checking your spouse’s cell phone caller ID can lead to a fight over privacy and personal information. If your spouse ever verbally or physically threatens you, or anyone else, leave the situation immediately. Call the police if you are in any danger, and notify your Raleigh divorce lawyer about the incident as soon as possible. Your safety is always your Raleigh divorce lawyer’s primary concern, and checking your spouse’s cell phone caller ID may put you in danger.

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may advise you not to check your spouse’s caller ID during a divorce. Remember, your Raleigh divorce lawyer is highly experienced in cases like yours.

What Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer May Advise

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will be looking out for your best interests. If your Raleigh divorce lawyer suspects you are in any physical danger, he or she will likely advise you to move to a safe location. Since your Raleigh divorce lawyer has dealt with divorcing clients from all walks of life, it’s best to trust his or her judgment.

After you file for divorce, you’ll need to begin what attorneys call the discovery process. A Raleigh divorce lawyer will tell you that discovery is the means by which parties in a divorce case gain information necessary to help a judge make an informed decision about everything from spousal support (alimony/palimony) to child custody.

After the divorce pleading has been filed, you will find that you may not have access to information that you did while married. If your spouse has a separate bank account, for example, it is unlikely that he or she will grant you access to it, and the bank will not release a statement of the account without some order from the court telling them to do so.

This is where the subpoena comes into play. If you’ve never been involved in a legal proceeding before, you may be familiar with its representation on television and film, where it is often used to compel someone to appear in court. A subpoena for documents works the same way, essentially ordering a party or third party to turn over documents that can be used in evidence.

In North Carolina, Chapter 1A of the General Statutes contains the Rules of Civil Procedure. A Raleigh divorce lawyer knows these rules by heart and would tell you that under Rule 26, discovery permits you to collect almost any information that relates to any relevant issue in a case. This doesn’t mean that you can subpoena the other part for any document whatsoever, the request has to be relevant to an issue concerning your divorce. Otherwise, the other party will object and the court will determine that they need not turn over the document.

Rule 34 deals with the production of documents and states that the scope of a request for documents lies with any party to serve on any other party or someone acting on a party’s behalf. It also permits a party to access not just physical documents, but electronic documents as well, including emails and computer records. In addition, this rule requires that some written response be delivered to the requesting party within 30 days.

If they don’t respond, the court could penalize the party under Rule 37, which permits the court to accept any allegations as true as they relate to the requested documents or to hold the disobedient party in contempt. Further, the court can order the disobedient party to pay any reasonable expenses occurred by you or your Raleigh divorce lawyer caused by the failure to comply.

The North Carolina Administrative Office of the Courts has an easy to fill out pdf form on their website that can be found here: http://www.nccourts.org/Forms/Documents/556.pdf. If you’ve filed a pleading or had a pleading served on you, there should be a file number on the documents that you will put in the top right-hand corner of the form. In the middle of the first page, you’ll want to check the third box to request forms and then list them in the space provided. You need not worry about the “Return of Service” section, as that will be completed by the process server after you’ve filed the form.

To file your subpoena request, you will need to go to the Civil Division of the Wake County Courthouse, which is located on the 11th floor at 316 Fayetteville Street in Raleigh. There is a $30.00 fee for service of process. Lastly, if you have any questions, the people working in the Civil Division and Raleigh divorce lawyers waiting for their own cases to start will be more than happy to help.

Your Quicken® data files can help your Raleigh divorce lawyer – especially if they contain important joint financial information that may affect your divorce case. During a divorce, files can be lost, misplaced or deliberately tampered with, so whether your Raleigh divorce lawyer suggests that you copy them or not, it’s generally a good idea.

Copying your Quicken® data files can be done using the software’s built-in tools. You may copy your data files to a CD, a hard drive or a removable storage device (USB).

How Quicken® Data Files Can Help Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may be able to use your Quicken® data files to help you in court:

• Your Raleigh divorce lawyer can use your financial data to make sure the court is aware of your financial situation

• Quicken® data can be used by your Raleigh divorce lawyer as evidence

• Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may use your Quicken® data files to compare your spouse’s records with yours

• Quicken® data files can help your Raleigh divorce lawyer reconcile your spouse’s claims

• Your Raleigh divorce lawyer can use Quicken® files to prove income

• Your Raleigh divorce lawyer can use Quicken® files to help determine child support amounts

How to Copy Your Quicken® Data Files to a CD

When you copy your Quicken® data files to a CD, you can give a copy of the CD to your Raleigh divorce lawyer. You can also send individual emails containing the files to your Raleigh divorce lawyer from the CD.

Step 1: Create a folder on your computer and name it “My Quicken® Data” or something similar.

Step 2: Open Quicken® and the data file you wish to save.

Step 3: Choose the “File” menu and select “Backup” from the drop-down menu.

Step 4: When prompted to choose a location to save your Quicken® data files, choose “On my computer.”

Step 5: Click “Browse” from the “Select the disk drive and path to the backup folder” box. Choose the folder you created earlier and click “OK.”

The file you saved can now be burned to a CD using your computer’s built-in CD burner. Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer if he or she would prefer a copy of the entire CD or just certain data sets.

How to Copy Your Quicken® Data Files to a Removable Storage Device

Storing your Quicken® data files on a removable storage device makes them easy to locate, easy to share and easy to print from any computer. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may suggest that you use a removable storage device for convenience reasons.

Step 1: Make sure your removable storage device is connected to your computer and open Quicken®.

Step 2: Choose the “File” Menu and select “Backup and Restore” from the drop-down menu if you have Quicken® 2010 or a later edition. (In Quicken® 2009, the option is simply labeled “Backup.”)

Step 3: Open the file you wish to copy in the “Backup data file” field. Select “On my computer” when prompted to choose the location, and choose the location of your removable storage device. If everything appears to be in order, click “OK” to begin copying your data files.

When your Raleigh divorce lawyer asks you for copies of your Quicken® data files, having copies in a safe, convenient location can save you a lot of time and hassle. Even if your Raleigh divorce lawyer doesn’t ask for copies, it’s a good idea to provide them so he or she can have additional insight into your financial situation.

Divorce is stressful – and it’s even more stressful if you’ve got to move during or after the proceedings. It can be difficult to consolidate a house full of furniture, family heirlooms and other belongings into a smaller home, and you may need to rent a storage unit during your divorce just to contain the things you own.

If you have discussed your move with your Raleigh divorce lawyer and have determined that you’ll need to move to a smaller home, begin looking for a storage unit right away.

How to Find a Storage Unit During a Raleigh Divorce

Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer if he or she is familiar with local storage facilities. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer has worked with clients in situations similar to yours, and may have referred some to area storage centers. If you would rather search on your own than ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer, that’s fine too; do what you’re most comfortable doing.

There are several storage facilities in Raleigh that may be able to accommodate your needs.

What to Ask the Clerk at a Storage Facility

Even if your Raleigh divorce lawyer has recommended a storage facility, you’ll still need to ask a few questions to make sure the facility is a good fit for your needs.

• Describe what you’ll be storing and ask the clerk to help you determine what size storage unit you will need.

• Ask if ground-level units are available; if there are no ground-level units available, make sure there’s an elevator to make moving your possessions easier.

• Check pricing on comparable storage units. Storage costs can add up quickly.

• Determine whether there are security features that will keep your unit – and your belongings – safe.

Before You Store

Check with your Raleigh divorce lawyer to make sure you have the right to move items from your home. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will be able to advise you on particular items that may belong to both you and your spouse.

Working Smarter, Not Harder

As you pack your belongings (be sure to check with your Raleigh divorce lawyer first, especially on high-dollar items), group similar items together. It may be tempting to rush through the house, tossing everything together, but that’s going to be tough to sort through later.

Pack your boxes to capacity, but spread the weight around. You will likely be moving these boxes at least twice (in and out of the storage facility), and you need to be able to handle them yourself.

Label your boxes as accurately as you can. If possible, write the contents of each box on its lid in case you need to find something quickly.

The Importance of Discussing Storage with Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer

Make sure you have discussed your right to store items with your Raleigh divorce lawyer. Additionally:

• Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer what will happen if your spouse requests access to your storage unit.

• Notify your Raleigh divorce lawyer if your spouse attempts to prevent you from renting a storage unit.

• Make sure your Raleigh divorce lawyer knows that you have rented a storage unit, and knows who has access to it.

While it seems inconsequential, your Raleigh divorce lawyer can help you avoid hot water if your spouse tries to put up a fight about your storage unit.

During your divorce, you may have to move out of your home. In that case, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will advise you to forward your mail or permanently change your address through the United States Postal Service. The USPS will forward your bills, letters and other mail for up to 12 months.

If your move is only temporary, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will probably tell you to use the USPS’s temporary change of address service. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will suggest a permanent change of address if you will not be returning to your former home.

Forwarding Mail During Your Raleigh Divorce

If your Raleigh divorce lawyer has suggested that you complete a temporary change of address form from the USPS, visit The Official Change of Address Form.

Select “Temporary” and enter the date you want your mail forwarding to begin. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer can help you determine the best time to move during your divorce. Enter the date you want forwarding services to end; ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer to help you determine when you will move back into your home. You can change the date later if necessary. Click “Continue.”

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will likely advise you to forward only your own mail, so select “Individual” on the next screen. Repeat the process for any minors who will be moving with you and click “Continue.”

Complete all the data fields on the next screen and check them for accuracy before clicking “Continue.” For identity verification, the USPS will charge $1 to your credit card before processing your temporary change of address.

Permanently Changing Your Address During Your Raleigh Divorce

If you have discussed your options with your Raleigh divorce lawyer and have chosen to permanently change your address, visit The Official Change of Address Form on the USPS’s website.

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will likely suggest a timeframe for your move. Enter a date in the box labeled “Start forwarding on” that is within the timeframe you and your Raleigh divorce lawyer have determined.

Highlight the radio button marked “Individual” so that your spouse’s mail continues to be delivered to the home. If your Raleigh divorce lawyer advises you to forward mail for other family members, such as children or other dependents, repeat the process for them.

Enter data in each field on the following screen. The USPS will verify your identity by charging $1 to your credit card.

Keep Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer in the Loop

Notify your Raleigh divorce lawyer if you encounter any snags in the mail forwarding process. Be sure your Raleigh divorce lawyer has your correct address on file, regardless of any forwarding applications you have filed with the USPS. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may need to correspond with you by mail, and making sure he or she has the correct address will prevent your spouse from intercepting your mail.

Before you visit a Raleigh divorce lawyer, you may want to think about cleaning up your social networking profile. This is because attorneys are increasingly using online data as evidence in court. Outlets such as Facebook and Twitter are often called on to provide evidence of adultery or hiding assets among other things.

What if your Facebook profile is a private one? This doesn’t matter much, as it is very easy to subpoena these records as well. You might also want to think about who is on your “friends list”. If any of your “friends” are acquainted with your soon-to-be ex-spouse, they can easily keep track of you. This is definitely something to think about before you go bashing him or her on what you believe to be a private profile page.

Not only can your social media profiles be harmful, but your electronic communications can as well. Many attorneys elect to subpoena cell phone records in an effort to prove adultery. This means that even if you delete an otherwise damaging text message, it could still be obtained in this manner. Likewise, a detailed account of the calls you make with your cell phone is also easy to gather.

Although some people delete emails in order to keep them from being read, this does not necessarily mean they will go away. Emails are extremely easy to forward, so the receiving party could have “kept” a copy for future reference. You should never assume that an email or text message will be kept private between you and the intended recipient.

Anyone who is contemplating divorce should speak with an experienced Raleigh divorce attorney.  The attorneys of the Rosen Law Firm are experts in handling all aspects of family law and will meticulously guide you through all aspects of a divorce. Contact us today for a consultation by visiting the firm’s website or calling 919-787-6668. Unfortunately, we’re not able to offer a free consultation. A fee will be incurred.

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Alimony laws have changed a lot over the past few decades. There are many more dual-income families, couples are more likely to share child care responsibilities, and no-fault divorces are becoming more common.

Since laws vary by state, it’s important to find out how things work in your state. In North Carolina, alimony may be awarded to a spouse who is substantially dependent on or substantially in need of support from the other spouse, or if the supporting spouse was responsible for the dissolution of the marriage.

North Carolina’s alimony statute lists several factors for the court to consider, but the truth is that determination of alimony is ultimately left up to the judge’s discretion.

Rather than letting the court make the decision about alimony, a Raleigh divorce attorney can help you work out an agreement instead. In fact, the law encourages divorcing couples to negotiate the alimony terms rather than leaving this determination up to the judge. These terms include the right to receive alimony, how much is to be received, when the arrangement can be modified, and when it terminates.

If both parties decide it would be best to work out an alimony agreement rather than letting the court decide, then the agreement needs to be fair, reasonable, and just, must be entered into without coercion or the exercise of undue influence, and with full knowledge of all the circumstances, conditions, and rights of both parties.

As experienced attorneys, we can help make sure you are meeting all these requirements and help you come to an alimony agreement that meets the needs of both parties. Contact us for more information.

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Divorce generally results in one person retaining the family home and the other party buying or renting a new one. Whether you plan to sell your home or purchase a new one, your Raleigh divorce lawyer can help you establish a timeline that will help you transition as seamlessly as possible.

The first thing your Raleigh divorce lawyer may suggest is that you find a real estate agent who understands your unique needs. A seller’s agent acts in the best interest of the seller, while a buyer’s agent acts in the best interest of the buyer.

Finding a Real Estate Agent during a Raleigh Divorce

There are three reasons your Raleigh divorce lawyer may suggest that you find a real estate agent during divorce: you must sell your family home or you must purchase a new home – or you need to do both.

Some real estate agents specialize in working with people embroiled in divorce, according to NPR, and that type of agent may make the process easier on everyone involved.

Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer if he or she knows a real estate agent who can help you. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may be familiar with local professionals who have helped others in situations similar to yours. If you choose not to ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer for a referral, you can also search on your own. However, remember that family and friends who have worked with a real estate agent will be able to provide you with personal feedback about the agent before you take the leap.

What to Ask Your Real Estate Agent during Your Raleigh Divorce

As with hiring any professional, you should ask potential real estate agents about their backgrounds. How much experience do they have? What do they do to market homes in your area? What is their fee schedule?

Selling: If you are selling your home, ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer what the timeline looks like. Let potential real estate agents know that you are working with a Raleigh divorce lawyer and whether they can expect your spouse to be cooperative. Additionally, ask potential real estate agents what you can do to increase the value of your home before you list it.

Buying: During or after your divorce, you may be expected to move. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will help you determine the estimated date on which you need to move, and you should pass that information on to potential real estate agents. Letting potential real estate agents know that you’re working with a Raleigh divorce lawyer can help them find a property that suits your new circumstances.

What to Discuss with Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer

You’ll communicate with your Raleigh divorce lawyer often, and there are a few things you should mention if you are considering selling or purchasing a home during your divorce.

• Discuss your financial situation with your Raleigh divorce lawyer. If you cannot afford your family home on your own salary, your Raleigh divorce lawyer may advise you to sell it.

• Keep your Raleigh divorce lawyer updated on your living arrangements. When you move, your Raleigh divorce lawyer needs to know – it may affect your case in some way.

• Tell your Raleigh divorce lawyer if you encounter any snags in the selling or buying process. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer needs to know whether he or she needs to petition the court to allow you to stay in your current home or take other action.

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer should be able to provide you with guidance on whether you should sell your current home or purchase a new one; based on years of experience with clients in similar situations, your Raleigh divorce lawyer is always looking out for your best interests.

A popular cable television series, “Fairly Legal” has focused new attention on mediation as a way resolve legal disputes. The star, a beautiful if slightly personally challenged former lawyer, often describes her work as looking for a win-win solution.

TV drama and catch phrases aside, mediation is one of the most powerful tools in the family law practice tool kit.

In North Carolina, mediation is required for couples going through divorce if the case involves child custody or property settlement and the Raleigh family law team at Rosen Law can help you.

Skilled mediators can help people involved in divorce and child custody cases to get past their emotionally charged positions and arrive of agreements that protect the real interests of all the parties involved.

The power of mediation rests on two pillars. It brings both parties face-to-face with a where they can hear the other’s story without distortion and with a trained neutral mediator to help them address the issues in a thoughtful manner. It also brings to the table a player who does not have to be an advocate for either side, but who can place options on the table for both to consider.

Trained mediators can bring to the table experience in resolving similar cases. They can bring in additional parties (specialists) to help negotiate more challenging issues. The best mediators are able to cut through the anger, emotions and posturing that mark so many disputes and focus on finding solutions or agreements that help both parties get what they need to settle their disputes.

If you are involved in a divorce or child custody case, mediation may be one of the tools your lawyer will use to bring about a resolution. If you have questions on family law cases or on the potential for mediation in resolving your case, contact us.

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After meeting with a Raleigh divorce lawyer, you may have decided it’s best to move out of your home and find an apartment. Make sure you’ve discussed all your options with your Raleigh divorce lawyer – including whether your move to an apartment will be temporary; in some cases, you may be allowed to move back into your home after the divorce is final.

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer can help you plan for an apartment move by providing you with a timeline. If you and your Raleigh divorce lawyer have decided it’s best for you to move into an apartment, plan early.

How to Find an Apartment During a Raleigh Divorce

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may be very familiar with the area, so it can’t hurt to ask whether he or she knows anything about local apartments. Additionally, your Raleigh divorce lawyer is probably familiar with your financial situation – so he or she may be able to recommend an apartment complex that fits within your budget.

If you’re not comfortable asking your Raleigh divorce lawyer for some suggestions, or if you don’t care for the suggestions your Raleigh divorce lawyer has made, there are several resources to help you find an apartment.
Check these sites for online apartment listings in Raleigh:

• Apartments.com – Raleigh

• ApartmentGuide.com – Raleigh

• MyNewPlace.com – Raleigh

• Rent.com – Raleigh

• ApartmentFinder.com – Raleigh

You may also consider asking a local real estate agent to help you find an apartment (and if you’d like, ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer for the name of a professional real estate agent in Raleigh; chances are, your Raleigh divorce lawyer has referred past clients to real estate agents, as well).

What to Look For in an Apartment

Divorce changes your circumstances drastically. You’ll need to consult with your Raleigh divorce lawyer to determine how your financial situation will change, whether you’ll be moving with children and pets, and whether you need to stay within the confines of a particular school district. Each of these things will determine where you’re able to search for an apartment, and your Raleigh divorce lawyer can be a valuable asset by providing the right information as you begin your hunt.

Things to Ask the Landlord

After you’ve spoken with your Raleigh divorce lawyer to narrow your selection, it’s time to start meeting with landlords and rental agents. At each meeting, you’ll need to ask:

• How much is the security deposit?

• Are pets allowed?

• Do I need to carry renter’s insurance?

• How many months must I sign for on the lease?

• May I sublet the apartment if I choose to move before the lease is up?

• What school district is this apartment complex/house in?

Remember to assess the surrounding neighborhood as you tour apartments. If you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, move on to the next apartment.

Ultimately, the decision of where you move is up to you – but be sure to consult with your Raleigh divorce lawyer before you sign a lease to make sure it’s the right decision.

As Raleigh divorce lawyers, we know that one of the toughest and most intimidating parts of the divorce process can be breaking the news to your children. While you can’t avoid that painful conversation, we did find this helpful article with five tips that can help make it go as smoothly as possible.

1. Choose a good time and place. If possible, both you and your spouse should be there when you tell your children you are getting a divorce. While it can be difficult for a busy family to find a chunk of time with no commitments, it’s important to free up at least a few hours for this conversation. Be sure to avoid holidays or other special occasions, since you don’t want your child to forever associate a special day with your divorce. It’s best to select a quiet, neutral location in your home, such as the dining or living area. This gives your children the option to retreat to their own room after you tell them the news.

2. Practice what you are going to say, and what you will not say. You and your spouse need to decide in advance what you will tell the children about your reasons for the divorce. Together you should determine what “adult information” you will not share with the kids. Because this is bound to be an emotional and difficult conversation, if at all possible you should rehearse what you’re going to say. It’s important that you use the word “divorce,” so the facts are completely clear and to avoid any confusion about what is happening.

3. Be prepared for any type of emotional reaction. As the article points out, your children have a right to their feelings, no matter what they are. Try to prepare yourself for any type of reaction from your children, especially if you think the news will come as a surprise to them.

4. Expect and prepare for the “Why?” questions. Taking into consideration the age and maturity level of your children, decide how you will answer and what details you will share. Some information, such as alcohol use and infidelity, should never be shared. As you prepare for this discussion, make sure you and your spouse agree on boundaries about what will be shared and when.

5. Make yourself available to your children for the rest of the day or the weekend. Ask them questions and let them know it is all right to share their feelings. Acknowledge that the divorce is a big change and reinterate that however they feel is okay. It may take some time for them to come to terms with the news, and it may be awhile before they want to talk, so try to remain available as much as possible over the following days and weeks.

Hopefully this advice will help ease the transition a bit for your family. Our goal as a legal team is to remove anxiety and distrust from the divorce process by giving you complete knowledge and control of the process and its costs. Contact us for more information.

Photo Credit: Dr. Abdullah Al-Naser

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After you file for divorce, you’ll need to begin what attorneys call the discovery process. A Raleigh divorce lawyer will tell you that discovery is the means by which parties in a divorce case gain information necessary to help a judge make an informed decision about everything from spousal support (alimony/palimony) to child custody.

After the divorce pleading has been filed, you will find that you may not have access to information that you did while married. If your spouse has a separate bank account, for example, it is unlikely that he or she will grant you access to it, and the bank will not release a statement of the account without some order from the court telling them to do so.

This is where the subpoena comes into play. If you’ve never been involved in a legal proceeding before, you may be familiar with its representation on television and film, where it is often used to compel someone to appear in court. A subpoena for documents works the same way, essentially ordering a party or third party to turn over documents that can be used in evidence.

In North Carolina, Chapter 1A of the General Statutes contains the Rules of Civil Procedure. A Raleigh divorce lawyer knows these rules by heart and would tell you that under Rule 26, discovery permits you to collect almost any information that relates to any relevant issue in a case. This doesn’t mean that you can subpoena the other part for any document whatsoever, the request has to be relevant to an issue concerning your divorce. Otherwise, the other party will object and the court will determine that they need not turn over the document.

Rule 34 deals with the production of documents and states that the scope of a request for documents lies with any party to serve on any other party or someone acting on a party’s behalf. It also permits a party to access not just physical documents, but electronic documents as well, including emails and computer records. In addition, this rule requires that some written response be delivered to the requesting party within 30 days.

If they don’t respond, the court could penalize the party under Rule 37, which permits the court to accept any allegations as true as they relate to the requested documents or to hold the disobedient party in contempt. Further, the court can order the disobedient party to pay any reasonable expenses occurred by you or your Raleigh divorce lawyer caused by the failure to comply.

The North Carolina Administrative Office of the Courts has an easy to fill out pdf form on their website that can be found here: http://www.nccourts.org/Forms/Documents/556.pdf. If you’ve filed a pleading or had a pleading served on you, there should be a file number on the documents that you will put in the top right-hand corner of the form. In the middle of the first page, you’ll want to check the third box to request forms and then list them in the space provided. You need not worry about the “Return of Service” section, as that will be completed by the process server after you’ve filed the form.

To file your subpoena request, you will need to go to the Civil Division of the Wake County Courthouse, which is located on the 11th floor at 316 Fayetteville Street in Raleigh. There is a $30.00 fee for service of process. Lastly, if you have any questions, the people working in the Civil Division and Raleigh divorce lawyers waiting for their own cases to start will be more than happy to help.

Domestic violence, once one of society’s dirty little secrets, is finally being brought out of the shadows and being treated as what it is — a crime.

Where once victim’s suffered in silence, hid themselves away from society and found closed doors when they sought help in the legal system, there are now many advocates actively working with abuse victims. As Raleigh family law attorneys, we have worked with many victims of domestic abuse.

These are always difficult and challenging cases. The victims are frightened. The path they follow to get relief from their abusers can be as threatening as the abuser. It does not have to be that way. There are many caring and concerned people who are waiting to help along the way.

In 2010-11, the North Carolina Department of Administration’s Council for Women/Domestic Violence Commission reports that more than 95,000 were made to law enforcement for domestic violence incidents.

Domestic violence knows no age limits, no racial barriers, no class standings. Abusers come in all shapes, all sizes, all races, all income levels and are of both sexes. One crucial fact to remember: the victim is not the cause the abuse.

The North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence gives this definition:

“Domestic Violence is when two people get into an intimate relationship and one person uses a pattern of coercion and control against the other person during the relationship and/or after the relationship has terminated. It often includes physical, sexual, emotional, or economic abuse.”

If that definition covers you, then you need to seek help. We are here to help you.

We have experience dealing with people in your situation and we care.

If you need help dealing with a domestic violence situation, contact us. You are not alone and you do not need to suffer in silence any longer.

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In Part 1, we looked at what to do before your first day in court with your Raleigh divorce lawyer.  For this final part of the series, we’ll explore what to do for an uncontested divorce and, if contested, what you should do during the divorce hearing.

Uncontested Divorce

The Civil Division of the Wake County Courthouse has all the forms you need for an uncontested divorce.  You can either retrieve the information packet from their website at http://web.co.wake.nc.us/courts/divorces.html or their office on the 11^th floor of the courthouse or on the 1^st floor in Room 119.  The courthouse charges a $7.00 copy fee for the packet.

It should be noted that what’s available on the website is merely a sample to show you what the forms should look like when you type them up.  Of course, a Raleigh divorce lawyer should be able to look over your forms to ensure they comply with the court’s rules or draft them at your direction.

Contested Divorce Hearing

In a contested hearing, after your Raleigh divorce lawyer has presented himself or herself and you to the court and the opposing attorney has done the same, both attorneys will make their opening statements.

The attorney for the plaintiff goes first, followed by the attorney for the defendant.  During this time, neither side attempts to present any evidence or call any witnesses.  These opening statements are simply a summary of the position your Raleigh divorce lawyer intends to present.

The rest of the trial follows this same order.  The plaintiff has the burden of proof, meaning that he or she must offer evidence to prove that the client’s argument is correct.  As such, the plaintiff’s attorney goes first in presenting the case, offering evidence in the form of testimonies from witnesses.  Once he or she is finished, the defense attorney presents his or her own witnesses and evidence.

Whether you are the plaintiff of the defendant, witness testimony is the process by which your Raleigh divorce lawyer and opposition will ask questions to supply answers that will either support his or her case or undermine the opposition’s argument.

You and your Raleigh divorce lawyer will undoubtedly go over your testimony before court.  The best thing to do is to stick to what you discussed beforehand and not improvise or alter your testimony because you think it could help your case.  Doing so could harm your chances of success and even lead to a punishment from the court.

After the “direct” questioning from your attorney, the opposing lawyer will do what is called a “cross examination”, in which he or she will attempt to get you to contradict your testimony to weaken your Raleigh divorce lawyer’s argument and strengthen his or her own.

When this happens, it’s important to remember two things:  stay calm and stick to your testimony.  Some attorneys will try to make you upset and/or get you to say something extreme that will hurt your case.  Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will go over this with your before court to help make sure that this doesn’t happen, but you may need to remind yourself of this when you’re in the thick of it.

Once both sides have presented their evidence, each attorney will make a closing statement.  The court may make a decision that day or may announce it at a later period.  Once the judge signs off on the decision, it becomes finalized.  Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will then help you understand what this means and what you’ll need to do next.

When you change your name after a divorce, you need to notify the Social Security Administration. The Social Security Administration will issue you a new Social Security card by mail; your Social Security number will remain the same.

Your Charlotte divorce lawyer will provide you with the necessary documentation to change your name with the Social Security Administration. You cannot legally change the name on your Social Security card without a certified copy of your divorce decree or a legally binding order signed by a judge, so your Charlotte divorce lawyer will advise you to wait until your divorce has been finalized before attempting to change it.

Why You Need to Notify the Social Security Administration

The Social Security Administration needs to know your new name to ensure that your Social Security earnings are tracked accurately. Additionally, most transactions that require your Social Security number are crosschecked with your name; if the name you use and the name on file with the Social Security Administration do not match, you may be prevented from completing your transaction. Your Charlotte divorce lawyer can provide you with several examples of cases where your Social Security number and name must match (like when you are dealing with the Internal Revenue Service).

Divorce and remarriage may also affect your Social Security benefits when you reach the appropriate age to draw them. Your Charlotte divorce lawyer may be able to tell you how your divorce will affect your standing with the Social Security Administration.

If you have further questions about changing your name, consult with your Charlotte divorce lawyer.

How to Change Your Name with the Social Security Administration

Visit your local Social Security office or download and print the Social Security Administration’s Application for a New Social Security Card; you may mail the form to your local Social Security office. Bring a certified copy of your divorce decree (your Charlotte divorce lawyer will provide you with your divorce decree as soon as your divorce is final). Ask your Charlotte divorce lawyer if any other documents will be necessary.

The Social Security office that serves Charlotte is located at 5800 Executive Center Drive (Suite 300) in Charlotte.

Discussing Your Options with Your Charlotte Divorce Lawyer

The decision whether to change your name or keep your married name is largely based upon personal preference. Your Charlotte divorce lawyer can help you make the right choice. Some people choose to revert to their maiden name to disassociate themselves from their former spouse; others wish to keep the same last name as their children. Your Charlotte divorce lawyer has likely represented people from both schools of thought and may be able to provide you with insight on what will work best for you.

North Carolina law requires that your driver’s license displays your legal name and an accurate, current address – but during your divorce, those things can change. If you choose to revert to your maiden name or move out of your current home, you’ll need to notify the DMV within 60 days.

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will give you a copy of your divorce decree as soon as your divorce has been finalized. If your Raleigh divorce lawyer to change your name, the name change will take effect as soon as the decree is signed by a judge.

Discuss Your Options with Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer

Prior to submitting any documents or filing for a divorce, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will discuss your options with you. You may choose to find a new place to live or remain in your home. Additionally, you may wish to keep your married name or go back to your maiden name.

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will evaluate your case and help you decide what’s best for you and your family.

Moving after Divorce

If you and your Raleigh divorce lawyer have decided that it’s best for you to move out of your current home, you’ll need to set a date. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer can help you choose the best time to move. In some cases, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will advise you to move out immediately; in others, he or she may advise you to move out once the divorce is final.

Changing Your Name with Divorce

Some women choose to keep their married names after a divorce. Reasons to keep your married name include wanting the same last name as your children, having an established business, or out of habit. Others wish to revert to their maiden names to completely disassociate themselves from their former spouses. It’s largely a matter of personal preference, and your Raleigh divorce lawyer can help you decide what to do.

How to Change Your Driver’s License

Change your address with the DMV as soon as possible. If you are also changing your name, your Raleigh divorce lawyer may advise you to wait and change both at the same time so that you don’t have to go to the DMV twice (as long as your Raleigh divorce lawyer estimates that your divorce will be completed within 60 days of your move).

You may change your address with the DMV online by applying for a duplicate license and updating your information in the DMV’s system.

To change your name, you will need a copy of your divorce decree (your Raleigh divorce lawyer will give you a copy once it has been signed by a judge). You must visit your local DMV with the divorce decree your Raleigh divorce lawyer has given you to prove that your name has legally changed.

When your Raleigh divorce lawyer makes suggestions about whether you should move, change your name or make any other significant changes, consider this: your Raleigh divorce lawyer has helped several clients in situations similar to yours and is always looking out for your best interests.

The Social Security Administration needs your current address if you receive benefits, if you have a pending claim, and to provide you with your annual Social Security statement. You do not need to change your address with the Social Security administration if you only wish to get a new Social Security card. However, if you move after a divorce, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will likely advise you to change your address with the Social Security Administration so that your future Social Security statements do not end up at your former spouse’s residence.

Moving during or after Divorce

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will discuss your options with you to make sure you understand the possible outcomes of your case. If you and your Raleigh divorce lawyer decide that it is best for you to move out of your family home and find a new place to live, he or she will discuss your case’s timeline.

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer can help you decide the best time to move. In some cases, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will recommend that you move immediately – especially if you are in any physical danger in your current home. In other cases, your Raleigh divorce lawyer may recommend that you wait weeks or even months to move. Remember: your Raleigh divorce lawyer has your best interests in mind, and he or she has helped clients in similar situations before.

How to Change Your Address with Social Security

After making decisions with your Raleigh divorce lawyer’s input, you may have chosen to find a new home. At your earliest opportunity after the move, you should change your address with the Social Security Administration.

There are two ways to change your address with the Social Security Administration:

• If you do not need a new Social Security card, you may call the SSA at (800)772-1213 and change your address between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m., Monday through Friday.

• If you do need a new Social Security card, you must visit the Raleigh Social Security Office, located at 4701 Old Wake Forest Road in Raleigh.

Discussing Your Options with Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer

Together, you and your Raleigh divorce lawyer will be able to determine what’s best for your future. Since your Raleigh divorce lawyer has years of experience with divorce, it is generally a good idea to ask for input rather than making decisions all alone. In some cases, your Raleigh divorce lawyer can weigh in with a different perspective that helps you make the best choices possible.

“How much does a divorce cost?” asked the divorce client of her Raleigh divorce lawyer.

“It costs as much as a car” responded the Raleigh attorney.

“What kind of car?” asked the divorcing client.

“What kind of divorce?” asked the lawyer.

Seriously, a divorce can cost as much as a car. It can be a very high-end expensive car (when the case is extensively litigated and the assets are large) or it can be an inexpensive used car (when the parties are able agree and the issues aren’t complicated.

Divorces cost as little as a few hundred dollars and as much as a few hundred thousand dollars.

The price really depends on the complexity of the assets and the level of conflict.

There are some factors that make a case more expensive and that expense can’t be avoided. For instance, if the parties own a business it’s going to require some attorney time and energy to deal with the division regardless of how amicable the parties are toward one another. There’s some legal work that’s required.

If, on the other hand, the assets are fairly straight forward and the parties are in agreement on the division then that part of the process can be handled inexpensively. If the parties are also in agreement about arrangements for their children then it’s smooth sailing and there won’t be big checks written to lawyers.

A divorce in Raleigh typically costs between $500 (at the extreme low end) and $500,000 (at the extreme high end). Do what  you can to minimize conflict and your money will stay with you rather than going to your Raleigh divorce lawyer.

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Many people choose to take a temporary job during a divorce. You may need the additional income, or you may just want to get out of the house. Regardless of your reasons, discuss your options with your Raleigh divorce lawyer before accepting any employment – whether you’re changing jobs or starting from scratch.

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will be able to give you guidance that will help your case and your personal situation. If you do choose to find a temporary job, there are several things you need to know first.

Ask Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer How Temporary Work Affects Your Case

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may advise you to find a job, either temporary or permanent, or not to work until your divorce is final. A change in your financial status can affect your case, so it’s best to discuss your options with your Raleigh divorce lawyer before accepting a job or, for that matter, quitting the job you have.

Why Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer May Advise You to Work

Divorce and its associated fees can be expensive. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may advise you to get a temporary job to help you maintain your lifestyle or to support your family during your divorce.

Things to Consider with Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will help you decide whether you should find temporary employment or not; together, you’ll consider:

• who will care for your children while you work

• how you will support your children if you do not work

Although your Raleigh divorce lawyer may give you advice, the final decision on whether to find a temporary job or not is up to you. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will provide you with perspective based upon his or her past experience, but only you know whether working during your divorce (or taking on an additional job) is best for you.

Where to Find Temporary Jobs

If you and your Raleigh divorce lawyer have determined that taking temporary work won’t be detrimental to your case, there are several agencies that specialize in part-time and temporary work. Temporary jobs can last from one day to several weeks; in some cases, temporary jobs can last several months. Discuss whether you’d like short-term or long-term temporary work with your Raleigh divorce lawyer before visiting an employment agency so you know what to ask for when you arrive.

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may be able to refer you to a reputable local staffing agency, or you can begin looking for a staffing agency in Raleigh yourself.

Accepting Temporary Work

After you find temporary work, be sure to let your Raleigh divorce lawyer know. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will need to know the details, such as your approximate salary, the duration of your job and what your schedule looks like. Your income may affect your case – that’s why your Raleigh divorce lawyer may ask how much you’re making. Additionally, your Raleigh divorce lawyer needs to know how long you expect to work and when you’ll be working so that he or she can make sure your court dates mesh with your schedule.

In North Carolina, couples are required to be separated and live apart for one year before applying for divorce.  By the time the separation period is over, you have already retained your Raleigh divorce lawyer and it’s time to prepare for court.  Here’s some advice for what do before your hearing.

Get Ready 

It is important to meet with you Raleigh divorce lawyer several weeks before the court date to ensure that all documents are prepared and that your testimony is complete.  During these meetings, the attorney works to make sure that your case is strong and your testimony is strong against the opposing lawyer’s questions on cross-examination.

Relax 

Court can be pretty stressful, so be sure to attempt to get a full night’s sleep before the day of the hearing.  That morning, you should be sure to have a good breakfast to give yourself the energy you’ll need for the proceedings.

Be on Time

Nothing can set a judge against you like being late for court, and your Raleigh divorce lawyer will face an uphill battle.  Think about what time your hearing starts and leave the house early enough to beat traffic.  The location for divorce cases is the Civil Division of the Wake County Courthouse, which is located at 316 Fayetteville Street in Raleigh.  Public parking is available and can be found at 216 West Cabarrus Street.

Figure out about long it will take you to get to the courthouse and then add half of that time to account for traffic and other obstacles.  You should also arrive at least half an hour before it starts to consult with your Raleigh divorce lawyer and conduct any last-minute preparations.

Look Your Best 

Another thing that can turn the judge against you is to show up looking sloppy.  This means that before you leave your house or apartment; make sure to pick out your best outfit.

For men, a suit is preferred, or at the least, a collared shirt and khaki pants with a belt.  You should avoid sandals or tennis shoes.  You should also be certain to shave that morning.

For women, the business casual look also applies, so a pantsuit or a modest blouse and skirt of conservative length with panty hose.  Flat shoes or small heels are a good choice for footwear and you should also avoid sandals or open-toed shoes.

In either case, dress for success and ask yourself if you look serious and trustworthy when you look in the mirror.  Any accessories should be kept to a minimum, so no hats and little jewelry.  If you have any visible tattoos, cover them up first.  You want to make sure that you look as close to a candidate for sainthood as possible.

The Start of the Hearing

The judge has a schedule of cases he or she will hear that day, and when it comes time, the clerk of court calls the case name.  Then you and your Raleigh divorce lawyer will walk to the front of the court and position yourselves behind the table assigned to your side, either plaintiff or defendant.

You and your Raleigh divorce lawyer, as well as the other party will remain standing until the judge gives permission to sit.  At that time, your attorney will announce his name to the judge and his representation of you as his client.

In Part 2, we will continue to look at once you should do after the hearing has started and what you can expect from your courtroom experience.

Between babysitters, your kids’ other parent, grandparents and friends, you may have all your childcare bases covered. However, sometimes last-minute issues arise: grandma has an appointment, the babysitter has to study, or your friends get called into work.

Unfortunately, sometimes the other parent isn’t as hands-on as you’d like – so what do you do about emergency childcare?

If your children aren’t enrolled in school or daycare, your Raleigh divorce lawyer may want you to consider enrolling them in an hourly drop-in daycare center for emergencies such as these.

Why Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer May Recommend Drop-in Daycare

Life is full of surprises, and during divorce, you can’t always depend on the other parent to handle the things you can’t. Your former in-laws may not be willing to help, and things don’t always go as planned. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may suggest that you enroll your kids in drop-in daycare so that you always have a backup plan when things go awry.

What is Drop-in Daycare?

Drop-in daycare, like ordinary daycare, is a place your kids can go while you run errands, work or go to court. The difference between drop-in daycare and traditional daycare, though, is that you’re billed on an hourly basis and you don’t need to let the daycare providers know you’re coming. Drop-in daycare is generally more expensive than traditional daycare, however.

Ask Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer for a Recommendation

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may know an excellent drop-in daycare center in Raleigh that he or she can recommend. Remember, your Raleigh divorce lawyer has worked with several clients in situations like yours – so he or she may have heard good things about a particular center. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may even use a drop-in daycare center on occasion.

If your Raleigh divorce lawyer isn’t familiar with local drop-in daycare centers, you can find one on your own or ask friends and family for recommendations.

What to Ask Drop-in Daycare Providers

Although drop-in daycare centers are subject to the same rules and regulations as traditional daycare centers, you should visit the facility and talk to daycare providers before enrolling your kids. You’ll need to make sure that all employees are subject to background checks, that they’re trained in lifesaving techniques and that they’ll be flexible enough to work around any potential emergencies you may have.

What to Ask Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer

Before you enroll your kids in a drop-in daycare center, ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer any questions you have that pertain to your case.

• Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer if it’s a good idea to work out pickup times with your spouse.

• Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer if your spouse will be responsible for paying some or all of the fees.

• Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer what happens if your spouse picks up the kids without your permission.

If you feel your spouse is unfit to be around your children at any time during your divorce, tell your Raleigh divorce lawyer immediately. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer has years of experience in cases similar to yours, and can help you take action if you feel your kids are in danger.

Divorce can be confusing, messy, and downright painful – not just for you, but for your children as well. When you and your spouse have chosen to part ways, even before you seek counsel from a Raleigh divorce lawyer, you may want to consider finding a therapist to help your family through this difficult time.

When to Look for a Therapist

Knowing when to find help isn’t always easy; sometimes admitting that you could use a little help is even more difficult. Talking to a therapist is a positive step toward keeping your emotional health intact during rocky times. A good Raleigh divorce lawyer may recommend that you find a therapist, regardless of the complexity of your divorce, as soon as you are able.

What Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer May Advise

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will likely encourage you to seek a local therapist for your emotional wellbeing. Additionally:

• Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may be able to point you toward qualified therapists.

• A therapist is trained in the emotional aspects of divorce, while your Raleigh divorce lawyer is mainly trained in the legal aspects of it.

• Your Raleigh divorce lawyer can assure you that therapy can help ease your family through difficult transitions.

It is important to remember that the things you say, both to your Raleigh divorce lawyer and to your therapist, remain confidential unless you personally share them with one or the other.

Therapy during Divorce without Children

Even in divorce cases that do not involve children, or those that do not involve custody battles, your Raleigh divorce lawyer may suggest that you talk to a therapist. A therapist can serve as an unbiased party to help you keep things in perspective. Whether or not you choose to work with a therapist, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will provide all the support he or she can.

Divorce with Children: A Raleigh Divorce Lawyer’s Perspective

Children often face unique challenges during divorce. Almost any Raleigh divorce lawyer can tell you from experience that children don’t understand the legalities of divorce or the reasons behind their parents’ split.

According to Psychology Today, a divorce can add emotional pressure to already-stressed children and teens. Even if you’ve already broken the news to your family and retained a Raleigh divorce lawyer, it’s not too late to seek help.

What You (and Your Family) Will Face

Throughout the process of your divorce, you and your children may be asked to provide answers to tough questions. Children may feel they are being disloyal to one parent or the other, and you may not know how to help them reconcile their feelings. A qualified therapist can help you and your family adjust to the changes divorce inevitably brings.

Seeking Therapy after Consulting with a Raleigh Divorce Lawyer

If you have already consulted with a Raleigh divorce lawyer, it’s time to be proactive and locate a qualified therapist that can help you and your family adapt to your changing situation. Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer if he or she knows a local therapist who can provide much-needed support – you may be glad you did.

We meet with prospective clients all the time who are shopping for a lawyer. They aren’t sure which lawyer to choose and they’re meeting with a handful of attorneys in an effort to pick the right person.

These consultations usually aren’t free – they’re expensive. Shopping for a lawyer isn’t like shopping for tires. You’re going to spend some money just deciding where to spend your money.

Unfortunately, picking the right lawyer can be an expensive proposition.

While you’re going to pay for each of these meetings, it’s usually a smart move.

You want to be sure you pick the right attorney for you. There’s quite a bit at stake and a mistake can cost you plenty. Think about it – when you deal with your divorce, you’re dealing will all of your assets, all of your debts plus the future of your children. This is not a quick and easy decision.

So, how many lawyers should you talk to before you pick one?

I’d suggest that you talk to three. Sit down with all of them and tell your story. Then listen and see what they have to say. Listen to their plan for your case. Listen to their approach to achieving resolution. Think about how you feel about what it is that they have to say.

You’ll be shocked at how much of a difference you find between the three lawyers. There are as many different approaches to family law as there are lawyers. You’re going to hear some very different things from each attorney.

Once you’ve interviewed all three attorneys take a break. Don’t make a quick decision. When you decide quickly you tend to hire the last lawyer you interviewed. When you give it some time you’ll be more likely to pick someone that better meets your overall needs. There’s no reason to hurry in most cases. It took you a long time to get to this point and a few more days won’t hurt your situation. Be sure you give the decision careful thought.

Shopping for lawyers isn’t nearly as much fun as shopping for clothes or electronics. It is, however, more important that you make a good decision. Good luck and good shopping.

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Picking a lawyer is challenging. There are all kinds of objective criteria like years of experience, law school, specialized focus, etc. It’s hard for anyone to determine the significance each factor in deciding who to hire. It’s tough.

Lots of folks will tell you to go with the recommendations of friends and family who have hired counsel in the past. That’s good advice.

Some people will tell you to ask other lawyers since they’re had a chance to observe your lawyer at work. That’s good advice as well.

The reality is that everything everyone suggests about hiring a lawyer makes sense. It’s all good advice. The problem is that there’s way to much good advice. It’s overwhelming.

What’s a person to do?

I think it makes sense for you to interview several lawyers. Ask questions about experience, philosophy and background. Talk to your friends and family and see what they know about your prospective attorneys. Talk to any attorney friends you have and find out the behind the scenes scoop on each of the attorneys.

Then, once you’ve gathered all of the pertinent information, sit back and relax. Think about your time with each lawyer, reflect on all of the information you’ve gathered, and listen to your gut.

What does your stomach tell you about doing the right thing? Are you more comfortable with one lawyer over another? Is there a nagging feeling that you should pick one rather than the other. Is something telling you that hiring one of them would be a mistake?

Let your gut tell you what to do after you’ve done your due diligence. You already know the answer. Just listen for it.

I can’t tell you how many people come to us, late in the case, and tell us they wish they had found us first. They tell us that they knew they were making a bad choice but they did it for some reason that made sense at the time. They ignored that nagging feeling. They ignored their gut.

Don’t let that happen to you. Do what you know is right. Listen to your gut when you pick your lawyer.

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During a divorce, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will help you through this difficult time as best he can; in the meantime, try to focus on one small thing at a time. Many of the tasks that seem insurmountable together are actually small and easy to take care of – like making changes to your telephone service during divorce.

Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer about the best time to make changes in your phone service. Your attorney may want you call the phone company immediately, wait a few weeks or wait until your divorce is final. Since every situation is unique, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will be able to point you in the right direction.

Home Phone Service during a Divorce

Will you be leaving your home and moving somewhere new? After you’ve discussed your options with your Raleigh divorce lawyer, you’ll be able to stop, change or start new phone service. If you will be staying in your home, but the service is not in your name, you’ll need to call the phone company and make the change. The telephone company may need proof (ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer to provide documentation) before they will change your service.

If you are moving to a new home during your divorce, you won’t need any documentation from your Raleigh divorce lawyer. Simply call the phone company and request to start new service.

Cell Phone Service during a Divorce

Sometimes cellular telephone companies are difficult to deal with during a divorce; if you are on a “family” plan, or if your cell phone is in your spouse’s name, you’ll need to secure copies of your divorce documents to give your provider. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will be able to furnish you with the appropriate documents. You might even want to consider starting fresh with a new service provider.

Other Phone-Related Considerations during Divorce

Ask yourself (and your Raleigh divorce lawyer, if possible):

• Who will be responsible for the telephone bill during your divorce?

• How much money will it cost to get new service if you need it?

• Should you remove your name from the home telephone service if you do not plan to leave in the immediate future? (Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer for guidance on when you should leave and when you should remove your name from other utilities, as well.)

Ask Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer for Recommendations

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer has represented many clients in similar situations. When it comes to making decisions like what you should do about your phone service, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will be able to advise you on the best course of action.

In some cases, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will want you to make changes immediately. If you are experiencing domestic violence, for example, your Raleigh divorce lawyer’s first priority will be to get you in a safe location – even if that means leaving your home.

Every situation is unique, so it’s best to check with your Raleigh divorce lawyer before making irreversible decisions, like switching phone service providers.

Can working with a financial adviser benefit you during your Raleigh divorce?

Finances can be tricky under the most ordinary circumstances, but during divorce they can become even more muddled and difficult to manage. When you have assets to divide, cash on hand and investments, your Raleigh divorce lawyer may suggest you find a qualified financial adviser to provide much-needed guidance during your divorce. Even if you feel your assets are modest, you may benefit from working with a financial adviser.

Ask Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer for a Referral

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer probably knows a local financial adviser you can trust. It’s generally a good idea to ask before hunting around on your own, for these reasons:

• Your Raleigh divorce lawyer is aware of your financial situation and understands the complexities of your case.

• Your assets and financial information aren’t safe with just anybody.

• Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may have referred past clients to a trustworthy, reputable financial adviser.

Types of Financial Advisers

There are three types of financial advisers: those who work on commission, those who charge flat fees and those who charge a base fee and commission after providing you with suggestions for your financial future. You may wish to consult with your Raleigh divorce lawyer to determine which type of financial adviser will best suit you during your divorce.

Searching for a Financial Adviser without your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer

If you prefer to find a financial adviser on your own, or if you have not yet retained a Raleigh divorce lawyer, you need to know what to look for. A financial adviser can help you plan your financial future while your Raleigh divorce lawyer helps to secure it, so it’s important to find a financial adviser you can trust.

Things to look for in a financial adviser include:

• Education level: A highly trained expert will hold either the designation CFP (Certified Financial Planner) or CFA (Certified Financial Adviser).

• Similar client roster: Working with a professional who is experienced in working through divorce cases will benefit you more than one who doesn’t have as much experience. (That’s why it’s usually a good idea to ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer for a referral.)

• Affordability: The type of financial adviser (fee-only, fee-based and commission-based) you choose will directly impact your bill, so it’s important to choose what best fits your financial abilities during your divorce.

• Aligned expectations: If you expect face-to-face meetings, periodic telephone calls or weekly emails, make sure your financial adviser is on the same page. Like your Raleigh divorce lawyer, your financial adviser will only know what you expect if you tell him.

Contacting a Financial Adviser

Whether you have received a referral from your Raleigh divorce lawyer or have located one on your own, there are certain things you should discuss right away. Use this checklist to make sure you’ve covered all the bases.

1. Mention that you are, or will be, working with a Raleigh divorce lawyer simultaneously.

2. Explain your current financial situation as it pertains to your divorce (you should also discuss this in detail with your Raleigh divorce lawyer). Detail what assets you have that will remain yours and those that you may have to share.

3. Ask questions until you have all the answers you need. Determine what types of fees and costs will be involved, and mention the fees you are or will be paying your Raleigh divorce lawyer.

While working with a financial adviser is generally a good idea, you do not have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. A good Raleigh divorce lawyer will take the time to understand your situation whether you hire a financial adviser or not.

During divorce, it can seem like you’re being pulled in thousands of different directions. You may have to take care of children, work and maintain a household while taking steps to dissolve your marriage. You also need to plan for your financial future, handle everyday issues, meet with your Raleigh divorce lawyer and make sure you have a plan for ordinary things, like electrical service, once your divorce is finalized.

That’s a lot to do in a relatively short time span. Let’s start with something simple – what to do about electricity if you divorce.

Discuss Your Plan with Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer

If you haven’t already established a timeline with your Raleigh divorce lawyer, do so as soon as possible. Consult with your Raleigh divorce lawyer about whether you will leave your current home and, if you are, when. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will be able to provide you with details on how long proceedings typically last, and may advise you of the best time to move out if you will be doing so.

Electricity while Remaining in Your Home

If you and your Raleigh divorce lawyer are certain that you will remain in your home after the divorce is finalized, you may still need to take action regarding your electrical service. When electrical service is in your spouse’s name, or when it is in both of your names, you will need to call Progress Energy and make the change. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will be able to tell you the best time to switch responsibility – sometimes it’s best to make the change immediately, and other times it’s best to wait until your Raleigh divorce lawyer has given you a copy of your divorce decree.

Getting Electricity after Moving Out

When you and your Raleigh divorce lawyer have determined that you will likely be moving out of your home, you will definitely need to take action. You will need to call Progress Energy to:

• remove your name from the service at your former home, if applicable

• start electrical service at your new home

You may also visit Progress Energy online to start, stop or move service. You will need your current account number if you already have electrical service in your name.

Things to Consider with Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will advise you to cover all the bases. Here are a few tips to help you get off to a good start:

• You may be required to submit to a credit check when starting new electrical service.

• In some cases, Progress Energy charges new customers a security deposit.

• If you are moving to a newly constructed home, you are required to have it inspected.

As your divorce progresses, new issues may arise. Consult with your Raleigh divorce lawyer periodically to ensure you’re not missing any of the “little” details.

Taxes, child support and planning your financial future can get lost in the shuffle during a divorce – so how can you keep everything straight while working, taking care of kids and meeting with your Raleigh divorce lawyer?

You may need the expert advice of an accountant. An accountant can help you manage your finances, keep you well-informed and provide you with facts that can help your Raleigh divorce lawyer during your divorce.

How Can an Accountant to Help with a Raleigh Divorce?

A qualified accountant can help you:

• calculate your (and your spouse’s) net worth so your Raleigh divorce lawyer can present your financial issues to the court.

• sort through complex tax issues.

• find money in your budget to pay your Raleigh divorce lawyer, court costs and other fees.

• provide you with accurate financial reports that you can give to your Raleigh divorce lawyer.

You may lose track of some assets – properties, vehicles, bonds and more – because you don’t think about them every day. Your accountant can keep track of your assets so you can focus on yourself and your family.

Asking Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer for a Referral

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may be able to refer you to a qualified local accountant. In many cases, Raleigh divorce lawyers appreciate when their clients work with accountants, because an accountant can provide an accurate financial blueprint during divorce. It doesn’t hurt to ask, especially when you consider that your Raleigh divorce lawyer has your best interests in mind throughout your divorce.

What to Look for in an Accountant

Although many people claim to be financial experts, you should only work with an accountant who has the proper credentials. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer can refer you to a credentialed professional, or you can begin the search on your own. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

• A Certified Public Accountant, or CPA, will have formal education in financial matters.

• A CPA with experience working through divorce cases will know how to prepare the right documents and reports to give your Raleigh divorce lawyer, thus benefiting your case.

• Having face-to-face meetings can help you determine which CPA you want to work with. If you are uncomfortable with a particular accountant, move on to the next.

• Different accountants have different fee structures – just like Raleigh divorce lawyers. Make sure you ask about payment terms during your initial meeting.

• You trust your Raleigh divorce lawyer with your personal affairs, so asking for a referral can help distinguish the best CPAs from others in your search.

How Important are Accurate Financial Records during Divorce?

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer can attest to the fact that during divorce, financial records must be incredibly accurate. If your finances are unclear, you risk losing more than your fair share of family assets. Many Raleigh divorce lawyers have seen cases in which one party inadvertently gives up too much. On the other hand, most Raleigh divorce lawyers are all too familiar with cases in which one party does not receive what he or she is entitled to receive.

It’s important to critically evaluate your financial situation and determine whether you can benefit from working with an accountant. Consult your Raleigh divorce lawyer if you’re having trouble deciding whether to handle your own finances or hire an accountant. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer can help you look at your situation objectively so that together, you can find a fair and balanced resolution.

Moving is tough. In a divorce it’s not always something you should do. Talk to your lawyer before you start packing.

Once the decision to move is made it’s time to find a mover. For some reason finding a mover in Raleigh can be especially challenging.

Our clients have tried most of the movers in Raleigh and the surrounding area. We’ve compiled a list of some of the movers we’ve heard good things about.

Are these the best movers for you? Maybe, but, realistically moving is trick and your mileage may vary.

Some folks in Raleigh prefer to move themselves. That’s a dramatically less expensive option. If that’s your plan then U-Haul might be right for you. Our clients have in Raleigh have, generally, had great experiences with U-Haul. One of the local Raleigh offices can be reached at 919-821-1450.

If moving yourself isn’t something you’re interested in doing then you’ll find a bunch of movers in Raleigh ready to help you out.

We’ve heard good things about Two Men & a Truck, Unity Moving and 1stClassMove in Raleigh.

We haven’t used any of these movers personally. After all, we’re divorce lawyers in Raleigh and we haven’t had to move in a long, long time. Our clients, however, are moving all the time and they’ve said good things about these folks. Good luck.

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Let face it – sometimes things go bad, quickly. In those instances, a hotel might be the best option for the short-term. Raleigh has a wealth of hotel rooms that work while you’re figuring out what to do and where to go.

Of course, living in Raleigh, we haven’t tried many hotels here. That’s always tricky when you’re looking for a hotel room in your hometown.

We have, however, tried a few Raleigh hotels and can tell you they are comfortable and, generally affordable.

If you’re marriage is headed toward divorce in Raleigh consider those hotels for temporary housing -

Raleigh Marriott Crabtree Valley: Call 919.781.7000 or click here.

Holiday Inn Raleigh Crabtree: Call 919.782.8600 or  click here

Raleigh Hilton: Call 919.872.2323 or click here.

If none of our suggested Raleigh hotels work for you then check out hotels.com or call 1-800-671-9207. They have listings for many, many alternatives in the Raleigh area.

While a hotel makes sense for the short-term it’s going to too expensive for the long term. You’re going to have to find alternate housing somewhere more permanent. We’ve had clients find good results in Raleigh looking on Craigslist. Some of our clients have found others in Raleigh going through divorce looking to share a house or apartment. On the one hand, that’s a lot of divorce talk for one apartment. On the other hand, it’s good to find someone you can talk to about the experience of divorce.

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