Your heart threatens to pound right out of your chest. Your palms are sweating, and you’re looking for an escape route in case things get ugly. Is it food poisoning, or are you about to walk into parent-teacher conferences and sit at a table to discuss your child’s progress with your ex beside you?

Whether your custody agreement designates you or your ex as the primary caregiver, you’re both in this together, so don’t map the emergency exits just yet. If you’re prepared, you can navigate parent-teacher conferences with your ex—and you can stay calm, cool and collected, even if you two don’t get along.

What Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer Might Say
Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will want you to keep the peace; it’s always better in the long run. Since you and your ex share a child, you also share the responsibility of making sure he or she grows up with firm educational support. That means letting go of your resentment, anger and hurt in order to best provide for your child.

Different Strokes for Different Folks
What works for one couple doesn’t always work for another. However, there are a few things that will make navigating conferences with your ex by your side a little easier, including:

• Making sure the teacher knows you are divorced and asking for two copies of report cards and other important documents
• Agreeing to keep disagreements out of the classroom (talking about the conference later is usually a good idea anyway)
• Ensuring there aren’t any secrets you’re keeping from your ex, such as plans to move, that might come out during a parent-teacher conference
• Avoid fighting with each other before, during or after the conference when your child is within earshot

When All Else Fails…
Talk to your Raleigh divorce lawyer to see if it’s acceptable to schedule separate parent-teacher conferences if you’re sure you and your ex can’t co-parent in your child’s classroom. There are always extenuating circumstances that excuse you from having to face your ex, such as a history of domestic violence, and there is no law that says you must both attend your kids’ events together.

Any Raleigh divorce lawyer can tell you that you’ll need to rely on a strong support network during your divorce; in fact, people who have support are often happier and healthier. However, there’s a fine line between relying on your friends and family and forcing them to experience your divorce with you.

When Friends Hit the Road
Many people report losing friends during their divorces. Whether they were friends you and your ex shared, fair-weather friends or they’re afraid that divorce is contagious, it hurts just the same. When it comes to true friends, they’ll stick around—but you can help ensure you’re not pushing them away by dragging unwilling participants through your divorce.

Venting, Validation and “Friend Burnout”
It’s almost always helpful to vent about important aspects of your case, such as child support, custody and alimony, but not everyone will be open to listening. While you do deserve attention and validation during your divorce, your friends and family have their own lives, their own problems and their own successes.

Remember to ask your friends how they’re doing, too; not every conversation has to be about your divorce. No friendship can survive when it’s completely one-sided, and you can often ward off “friend burnout” by being considerate despite your pain.

My Friends Deserted Me during Divorce—Why?
If your friends do bail out, don’t take it personally. Sometimes it’s unavoidable. Your friends may feel like you’re not the same person you were, that you’re consumed by your divorce or that they just don’t want to get involved in something so emotionally intense.

Most friends you shared with your ex will choose a side, even if they don’t mean to. It might not be yours, and you might come up one or two friends short when it comes to the final tally. Unfortunately, some people view a newly-divorced person as a threat to their own marriages (although generally, that couldn’t be farther from the truth).

Using Your Friends as Supporters
By all means, rely on your friends when you need to. You might also consider asking your Raleigh divorce lawyer for a referral to a local counselor or therapist who can serve as your sounding board. That way, you can let go of some of your anger, hurt and frustration and be free to enjoy time with your friends instead of letting your divorce take over those relationships.

Everybody knows that exercise is good for your body—but the mental health benefits it can provide, especially during divorce, might surprise you. Exercise activates brain chemicals that are associated with an upbeat mood and relaxation (two things you really need during divorce). On top of that, you’ll feel better about your appearance; that’s a surefire self-esteem booster.

Exercise can help you clear your mind before you meet with your Raleigh divorce lawyer to hammer out the details on property division, figure out child custody and handle other important aspects of your case, too. When you’re thinking clearly, you’ll be better-equipped to make decisions that will affect your whole family.

Why Don’t People Exercise during Divorce?
The reality is that people just can’t find the time to exercise during divorce. There are meetings with your Raleigh divorce lawyer, kids to pick up and drop off, work and household chores… the list seems endless.

The good news? You can grab a few of the mental health benefits exercise offers in quick, 15-minute workouts. Of course, you’ll need to talk to your doctor before you start any exercise program, and you need to know that 15 minutes won’t bring about a complete transformation (even though those late-night infomercials insist that’s all you need).

You Don’t Have to Join a Gym
It’s a common misperception that getting fit has to be a big ordeal. It doesn’t. You can start small, with brisk walks or light runs around your neighborhood, a few trips up and down your stairs or by knocking out a few situps and pushups in your living room. Plan to work out five or six days a week; remember, your body needs a break now and then to recuperate.

A 15-Minutes-a-Day Workout Plan
Always start with exercise-appropriate stretches and a warm-up; you’ll help prevent injuries that way. Once that’s done, get ready for some light-duty exercise that packs heavy-duty benefits:

• Jumping Jacks get your heart pumping for an all-over workout.
• Pushups strengthen your chest, arms, stomach and more when you do them properly.
• Situps help tone your stomach and strengthen your hip flexors.
• Squats toughen up your legs and buttocks when you do them properly.
• Walking, jogging and running improve your heart’s performance and strengthen muscles all over your body—and so do swimming and jumping rope.

Bonus Exercises (that Don’t Feel Like Exercise)
You can enjoy the benefits of mini-workouts anywhere you go. You’ve probably heard that you should take the stairs instead of the elevator, choose the farthest parking spot and walk your dog whenever you can. However, you can also take a dance class, ride your bike through the Capital Area Greenway Trail System or take up yoga. Partner up with a friend and you won’t even realize you’re earning the mental health benefits that regular exercise can provide.

If you’re like most people, your financial situation is bound to change with divorce. Even with alimony or child support payments, you may not have the same income level you had while you were married—and your Raleigh divorce lawyer might recommend that you create a budget. Although it sounds like a major task, especially when you’re a busy single mom, it might be easier than you think.

Pen. Paper. Budget.
You don’t need a fancy computer program (although they can make tracking your expenses easier) to create a single-mom budget. All you really need is a pen, paper and a few minutes of quiet time to get started.

Step-by-Step Single Mom Budget
1. Start by listing all your mandatory expenses:
•    Rent or mortgage payments (if you haven’t moved out of your marital home and aren’t sure what your contributions should be, ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer for guidance)
•    Utilities (gas, electricity, phone, water and trash service)
•    Groceries
•    Vehicle upkeep and gas
•    Insurance
•    Kids’ club dues, sports fees or other extracurricular expenses
•    Kids’ school uniforms
•    Kids’ school lunches
•    Kids’ clothing and shoes
•    Child care expenses
•    Fees associated with your divorce or payments to your Raleigh divorce lawyer

2. List things that are fixed but can be altered:
•    General savings
•    Retirement savings
•    College savings

3. List things you could cut if you had to:
•    Internet
•    Cable or satellite TV
•    Dining out and entertainment
•    Personal expenses (like trips to the salon and shopping excursions) and pocket money
•    Charitable donations

4. Now add all your expenses together to figure out the minimum amount you must bring in to make ends meet.

5. In a separate column (or on a separate sheet), list your income sources:
•    Alimony payments you receive (if you haven’t started receiving alimony yet, do not count it yet)
•    Child support payments you receive (again, don’t count child support unless you’re already receiving it)
•    Work income
•    Income from investments
6. Add your sources of income together.

7. Subtract your expenses from your income to determine whether you need to make cuts or eliminate some spending.

Tweaking Your Spending
If your expenses are higher than your income, you’ll need to make a few adjustments. Can you cancel the movie channels on cable, switch to a less expensive cellphone plan or opt for a higher insurance deductible? Can you remind the kids to be more energy-conscious, take public transportation to save on gas or make kids’ lunches at home to save money?

Keep your Raleigh divorce lawyer updated on your financial situation. He or she will be able to help you get the support you and your kids deserve from your ex or point you toward helpful resources while you get back on your feet.

Domestic violence is a crime. This abuse affects more than 2.1 million men and women each year in the United States, according to the National Institute of Justice. It happens in all types of households; to people of all income levels; and to people from all walks of life. Unfortunately, many victims aren’t sure what counts as domestic abuse. Even then, they often don’t know that there’s help available.

The North Carolina Coalition against Domestic Violence maintains a list of domestic violence resources you may find helpful. If you’re working with a Raleigh divorce lawyer, he or she can also provide you with resources that can help you start to recover.

What Counts as Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence, spousal abuse and family violence, can take many forms. It includes:

•    hitting
•    kicking
•    pushing or shoving
•    restraining
•    throwing objects
•    biting
•    rape

Although it may seem obvious that a pattern of hitting, beating or pushing is domestic violence, many people don’t realize that even isolated incidents count. In fact, any physical contact that is intended to harm or hurt you, or to stop you from doing something you’ve chosen to do, can be called domestic violence.

Threats of violence are also considered abuse. In many cases, so are kidnapping, endangerment, harassment and stalking.

“My Spouse Only Hit Me Once.”
Some people believe that if it only happens once, it’s not really domestic violence. However, under North Carolina law, it can be. You’ll need to talk to your Raleigh divorce lawyer about the specifics, though, because only he or she can give you legal advice.

“What Should I Do if My Spouse Abuses Me?”
It’s a tough situation—but it’s not your fault. The person who chose to abuse you, even if he or she blames you for “angering” them, is the one who is at fault.

If you’re a victim of domestic violence, calling a Raleigh divorce lawyer can help you get fresh perspective. Remember that calling a lawyer doesn’t mean you have to get divorced. It simply means that you’re looking for ways to change your situation and you’re doing the smart thing by exploring all your options.

Whether you decide to seek counseling with your spouse or you want to start the divorce process, a Raleigh divorce lawyer can point you toward the resources you need. He or she will also be able to tell you whether you’ll be entitled to alimony, how domestic violence affects child custody and more.