Alimony: Only Part of the Solution

Another significant piece of the financial implications of a divorce is the question of alimony. Alimony consists of payments made toward the support of one spouse by the other. The concept is rooted in the historical notion that a wife was dependent on her husband, and he had an obligation to support her even if he chose to end the marriage. The more contemporary definition posits that alimony helps minimize the broader social/financial impact of divorce, by (theoretically) ensuring that large numbers of formerly dependent spouses are not suddenly relying on the state for the support that was once provided within the family structure. It is not designed to be punitive, nor is it meant to be a weapon used in the waging of the larger war that divorce so often becomes. As much as possible, both parties need to look at alimony as a purely financial, pragmatic question that needs to be answered as systematically and neutrally as possible.

The first question that has to be answered during alimony negotiations is that of financial need. In order for one spouse to be required to pay alimony, the recipient of those payments will need to prove that he or she will be subject to a drastically reduced standard of living when the marriage ends. In many states, this is the only relevant question. There are still a few vestiges, around the country, of the old system that held that fault also figured into the equation; in North Carolina, for instance, as of this writing, adultery on the part of the dependent spouse can render that person ineligible for alimony. But that behavioral link varies dramatically from state to state, so it’s always best to check with a local attorney.

Another thing to remember is that, as with most of the issues surrounding a divorce, it is possible to reach an amicable agreement out of court, but it is equally possible to fight and claw every step of the way, ultimately relying on a judge to issue a court order, which can be much harder to renegotiate down the road. It is almost always to the advantage of all parties involved to settle the issues before they go to trial. Judges in most states rely on a formula to determine the actual amount of monthly alimony payments; it is not uncommon for that number to feel like a major hardship to the payer, but completely inadequate to the payee, simply because they both gave up their vested interest in a compromise amount when they took the case to court. It is crucial, especially when negotiations become heated, to try and look beyond the raw emotion of the break-up and focus on the long-term financial issues.

If you are the supporting spouse, your inclination may be to try and whittle the payments down as much as possible; it is understandable that you wouldn’t want to feel that you are handing over a significant portion of your paycheck to your ex. But if your ex was truly a dependent spouse—perhaps a stay-at-home parent?—then you need to consider the bigger picture of how reduced circumstances will affect your children. You may not want to give one red cent to your ex, but do you want your children to have to move out of the house they’ve always lived in? Will the dependent parent of your toddler have to go back to work full-time, putting the child in daycare, if you balk at the idea of alimony? It can be tough to separate the financial issues from the emotional, but particularly if there are children involved, you need to rise above your instincts and consider the long-term structure of this new “family” reality.

If, on the other hand, you are the dependent spouse, this is the time for you to take a long hard look at your finances. If it has been a while since you have worked or been responsible for the family money, you’ll need to begin by drawing up a realistic budget. Two households simply cost more than one; there’s no way around that. You may find that you have to be much more frugal than you have been. You may also realize that you need to go back to work, but be careful—suddenly boosting your income in the middle of alimony negotiations can dramatically reduce the amount that you will ultimately receive.

In an ideal world, every couple would simply discuss their respective budgets and agree on an amount, to be paid monthly without question or hassle, from one to the other. Unfortunately, this world of divorce law is far from ideal, and rarely is the question of alimony settled so peacefully. A skilled mediator or collaborative law practitioner can help take a good deal of the acrimony out of the environment, but many couples are unwilling or unable to work within the boundaries of neutrality and compromise. For some, opposing attorneys (who often have good working relationships outside of the context of a case) can function more as go-betweens than as adversaries, but for others, the only way to resolve the issues is to involve a judge. If you find that you have reached this point, remember that both sides will have to prove whatever they claim—if he says he doesn’t earn enough to be able to afford a $2000 per month payment, she will need to prove that he can. The need for evidence can result in a protracted process that will drain everyone, both financially and emotionally. Remember, too, that any subsequent adjustments to the court order will require reopening the case, and going back to court.

If, in spite of your (and your attorney’s) best efforts, you wind up relying on court-ordered financial support, you may also find yourself relying on the court’s ability to enforce that order. The laws vary somewhat from state to state, but generally, failure to pay alimony is considered contempt of court (failing to obey the order issued by the judge), and the threat of potential jail time is what usually guarantees payment. In the long run, though, alimony is rarely a permanent solution to the challenges of dividing one household into two.

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