Sometimes couples facing serious marital discord consider separating on a trial basis. Trial separations can give each spouse, particularly the one who wants the divorce, a chance to experience how life might be after divorce. The separation can also be used to reduce the intensity of conflict between the spouses so they can work with a counselor and then decide whether to reconcile or divorce.
Legal Separation in North Carolina
Trial separation seems like a reasonable idea in theory. However, in practice, we rarely see couples get back together after they separate. It’s possible this approach works better than we think. Some people may separate and reconcile without ever seeing a lawyer. We don’t think that’s the case, though, because trial separation has two significant downsides.
Downsides of a Trial Separation
First, one party in the separation may enjoy being alone during the short time the separation lasts. The conflict reduction may overpower any sense of loneliness that comes with time. Second, while couples who are having trouble face great challenges improving their relationship while living together, if they separate, the work can become even harder. Once separated, you might only see your spouse at counseling. That doesn’t allow you to apply the lessons learned at counseling in between the sessions. It be-comes difficult, even impossible, to learn a new way of successfully interacting on a daily basis.
What Trial Separations are Good For
Sometimes lawyers will suggest trial legal separation as a strategy to get a reluctant spouse to move forward with the divorce process. The leaving spouse may suggest only a trial separation when this is not their true intent. We have mixed feelings about this practice. Trial separation may be a less harsh way to introduce divorce to a spouse having difficulty handling the idea. Even so, we generally believe that being honest at the beginning of the divorce is important in maintaining the credibility that will be required during the negotiations to come.
Keeping Separation Legally Sound
If you do begin a trial separation, try to come to an agreement with your spouse beforehand. Generally, if you both agree to the separation, you will not be getting into complicated legal territory. Regardless, you need to consider, and ideally put in writing, how things would be split if you were single. Which person gets the car and the house, who will the children stay with, how will they be cared for, and how will bills be paid? Beyond these issues make sure you are clear about access to the marital home. Will a knock before entry be sufficient? What if nobody is home? Finally, try to agree on how you will communicate the separation to children and friends.
A trial separation generally refers to a situation in which both spouses agree to the separation. If you and your spouse are not in agreement and you wish to leave, you should consult an attorney for help in ensuring that your rights are protected.
If you need help with your separation, contact us or call us at (919) 787-6668.
Lee is the founder of Rosen Law Firm and, while retired, still lives on through this website, a huge repository of information to help educate people about family law. It demystifies the divorce process, sharing the secrets and information that other lawyers normally try to keep hidden. Today, this website contains a vast assortment of webinars, legal forms, statutes, Q&As with lawyers, audio and video courses, articles, and lots more.
