Family law attorney Lisa Angel discusses your options for settling your case out of court using mediation for divorce.
Mediation, Collaborative Settlement, and Arbitration – Your Options for Settling Your Case Outside of Court Transcript
If you’re going through a divorce in North Carolina and you’re dreading the idea of a courtroom, I have good news. Most divorces never go to trial. And more importantly, you have more control over this process than you probably realize.
I’m Lisa Angel, board-certified family law attorney and owner of the Rosen Law Firm in Raleigh, North Carolina. In this video, I’m going to walk you through three powerful out-of-court options for settling your divorce. Mediation, collaborative divorce, and arbitration.
And by the end, you’ll know which option might be the best fit for you and what questions to ask your attorney. First, why does the process choice matter? Before we dive into the options, I would like to make one thing clear. How you resolve your divorce matters just as much as what you resolve.
Most people assume divorce is a binary choice. Either you agree on everything or a judge decides for you. But the reality is there’s a whole spectrum of options in between.
And the process you choose does shape not just your legal outcome, but your financial recovery, your co-parenting relationship, and potentially your emotional health. Standard litigation tends to narrowly on what the law technically allows. That can result in cookie cutter solutions that don’t always fit your family’s needs.
The three alternatives I’m going to describe give you the ability to reach smarter, more customized agreements without a judge making the most personal decisions for you. Mediation. What is divorce mediation in North Carolina? Mediation is the most commonly used out-of-court dispute resolution option in North Carolina.
A neutral third party called a mediator facilitates conversation between you and your spouse to help you reach an agreement. Here’s what a mediator is not. They’re not a judge.
They cannot make decisions for you. They can’t give you legal advice. That’s why having your own attorney is still essential in a divorce mediation process.
How does mediation work in North Carolina? You can begin mediation at almost any point in your case. You can use it voluntarily in early settlement discussions, or you can be required to participate in North Carolina. Mediation is a mandatory in custody disputes after a lawsuit is filed.
And many counties require mediated settlement conferences on financial issues too, before trial. Some of the benefits of mediation, it’s flexible. You can control the timing and the pace.
It’s confidential and it works at any stage of your case. One thing to watch out for, power imbalances. If your spouse is more aggressive, better informed financially, or has historically dominated decision-making in your marriage, standard mediation can put you at a disadvantage.
Talk to your attorney about how to prepare and whether a different process is a better fit. Next, collaborative divorce. What is a collaborative divorce? Collaborative divorce is a structured team-based settlement process where both spouses commit in writing to resolve everything outside of court.
It can be one of the most underused options in North Carolina, and it’s often a good fit for families who have children or significant assets or business interests. Here’s how it works. Both spouses retain their own collaborative trained attorneys.
Then you meet in a series of structured group sessions to work through every issue, children, finances, property. Everyone signs an agreement at the outset that commits to keeping the children’s best interest as the priority, full financial disclosure, no going to court, and working with neutral professionals rather than different experts or dueling experts. These neutral professionals can include a child therapist, or a neutral financial professional, or even a mediator for visual sticking points.
In collaborative divorce, you’re not just applying legal formulas. You and your spouse actively design solutions that fit your family, your specific parenting schedules, your business plan, your plans for keeping the house. It can work best when both spouses are engaged in good faith.
It’s not the right process if you suspect hidden assets or if there’s any history of domestic violence. Talk to your attorney about whether or not to assess whether or not that’s your best option. A lot of times people will say, well, what happens if it does fail and we need to go to court? Is my lawyer disqualified from representing me? The vast majority of cases do settle, but technically, yes, with the collaborative commitment to staying outside of court, everyone should be motivated to work harder to reach an agreement, but you would need to have a different attorney to help you with your litigation.
And then finally, arbitration. What is divorce arbitration? Arbitration is the closest out-of-court option to a traditional trial. A trained arbitrator is usually an experienced family law attorney or a retired judge who makes a binding decision about child custody, child support, alimony, or property.
It’s considered a private trial with a decision maker rather than a facilitator like a mediator. It can really make sense when you’ve tried mediation and failed, or if you want a final resolution without the time and expense of a full trial, or you have specific issues like a complex valuation or a parenting schedule that needs a very specific resolution quickly. It can be used for just one issue too, even when the rest of the case is already settled and you don’t have to submit your entire divorce to an arbitrator, you can surgically remove one issue and have the arbitrator decide for you.
The trade-off is you give control to a third party and that decision is binding and difficult to appeal. So make sure that you’ve exhausted all other negotiation options. Let’s recap your three out-of-court options.
Mediation, a neutral facilitator helps you and your spouse reach agreement. It’s flexible, it’s widely used, and it can be required in some cases. Collaborative divorce, a structured team process where everyone in writing agrees to stay out of court.
Arbitration, private decision maker resolves issues you can’t agree on with a binding ruling. Each of these gives you more control, more privacy, and often better outcomes than leaving everything to a judge. The most important tip I can give you, have this conversation with your attorney early before positions harden, before litigation begins, before conflict escalates.
The process you choose at the beginning sets the tone for everything that follows. If you’re in the Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill area and you want to walk through this option and whether or not which one is best for you, visit us at rosen.com to schedule a consultation. We have been helping families in North Carolina navigate divorce for over 30 years and we’d be honored to help yours.
For more information on options for settling your case outside of court, contact us or call us at (919) 787-6668.
Lisa is a leading figure in North Carolina’s family law field, dedicated to guiding clients through challenging times with compassion and expertise. As the President and Owner of Rosen Law Firm, P.A., Lisa has built a successful practice specializing in divorce, child custody, child support, alimony, equitable distribution, and domestic violence. She has been a North Carolina Board-Certified Specialist in Family Law since 1998.
