Trying to Reconcile after Divorce Proceedings Have Started

If you’ve already created your separation agreement, you and your soon-to-be ex are on the path toward divorce. But what happens if you decide to reconcile with your spouse? Is it too late? Only your Raleigh divorce lawyer can give you legal advice—but if you’re considering reconciliation, you also need emotional support and answers to some very serious questions.

What Are the Concerns For When a Divorcing Couple Reconciles?

While there are no specific laws in Wake County concerning whether or not a couple can reconcile and halt their divorce (so long as the divorce papers haven’t been signed and served), there are still some things to take into consideration. For that reason, just like with the decision to divorce in the first place, the decision to reconcile must not be made lightly.

Changing Emotions

It’s normal to wonder whether you’ve made the right decision during a divorce. In fact, even people who initiate proceedings often experience self-doubt. However, doubting yourself doesn’t mean you need to reconcile. It may simply mean you are realizing the immense impact of divorce and trying to find a way to minimize the pain of it. Give yourself time to reflect on your feelings, either by yourself, with a friend, or by seeing a therapist in Wake County. Divorce may feel harder than a tough relationship sometimes, but it will be far tougher if you get back together just to end up going through all of this again.

Exorbitant Costs

You already know the price of divorce from starting this process, but what is the price of reconciliation? The average divorce in North Carolina and Raleigh in particular costs above $10,000 and they can easily get much higher. Do you get all of that money back if you and your spouse make up? Unfortunately not if the work has already been done.

For instance, if you’ve paid an attorney to draft a separation agreement for you, you got what you paid for as soon as they finish. You can hold onto it in case you do decide later to go through with the divorce, but you’ll also need to have and pay for a new consultation, discuss any changes since the last time you spoke with an attorney, and potentially draft whole new terms and agreements if your spouse no longer agrees to them. In this way, reconciling can actually make divorce more expensive if you later decide to go through with it after all.

What Does Your Spouse Think?

The famous old saying dictates that it takes two to tango. Maybe you have weighed all the pros and cons and concluded that reconciling is your best option, but what does your spouse agree? Sitting down and talking to your spouse (calmly and rationally, of course) might shed some light on your situation and where you both are now, particularly if you’ve lived apart for some time. Make sure you are clear with each other though before making any big decisions.

Don’t Use Separation as a Courtship Period

Unless you’re certain that you and your spouse are going to reconcile and you’re both committed to getting back together, stay out of each other’s bedrooms. Sex after separation can spell disaster—even if you both have the best of intentions.

If you and your spouse are serious about reconciliation, ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer for a referral to a marriage counselor or therapist who can help you work through the issues that caused you problems in the first place.

Proceed with Caution

30 percent of couples that separate and then go on to remarry one another end up back in a divorce lawyer’s office. Don’t rejoin your bank accounts or make major decisions together that could affect your long-term happiness without consulting your Raleigh divorce lawyer first. That way, you’re prepared for any possible outcome and you don’t have to scramble to get your affairs in order should you decide to separate or divorce again. If you have children, it’s probably a good idea to take them to see a professional who can help them through the changes they’re facing.