Spousal Spying

How do I know if my spouse is cheating on me?

You have this sneaking suspicion that your spouse is being unfaithful. Maybe she’s coming home late in the evenings and taking more work trips than she ever did before. Maybe he feels distant and suddenly cares about going to the gym, which he never did before. Or maybe you notice they are always looking well groomed now and they have been recently updating their wardrobe. There are signs, but how can you be sure? You know your spouse will deny any wrongdoing, so how will you ever know?

The Signs

If you have a hunch that your spouse may be up to something, but can’t decide if your fears could be legitimate or are simply paranoia, be on the lookout for any of the following signs. While a gut feeling is often enough, if that is coupled with any of the signs listed below, then you should consider digging a little deeper:

  • Your spouse is less interested
  • Any unexplained change in your sex life
  • Your spouse seems to be looking for things to fight about
  • Any change in grooming habits
  • Your spouse is being secretive with their phone or computer
  • A change in your spouse’s work routine
  • New password protecting
  • Name dropping a new person frequently

 

What You Can’t Do

First, understand there are certain surefire ways to catch a cheating spouse that we absolutely do not recommend. You can install spyware on their phone or laptop, place video recorders in their car so you know who is in their vehicle at all times, and even put a GPS recorder on their car so you know where they are. This sounds great, until you realize most of these methods are illegal.

If you illegally record or track your spouse, you could be subject to liability under state and federal wiretapping laws. While there are some legal methods you can employ, we strongly recommend you speak to an attorney before doing anything. It can be easy to misinterpret general guidance as a layperson and transcend into illegal activities thinking you’re in the right. A lawyer can explain thoroughly what is and what is not in your right to do and help you discern whether or not your spouse is indeed cheating on you. In the mean time, here are some methods that are generally legal.

What You Can Do

If you genuinely suspect your spouse of cheating on you, your best course of action is to speak with an attorney. As you’ve seen above, these can be tricky waters to navigate legally and being charged with a crime  as a result of your spouse’s infidelity would just be adding insult to injury. An attorney can let you know what the best recourse is for you and how to move forward should you confirm that your spouse has been unfaithful.

Spousal Spying FAQs

This is where the distinction between “interception” and “accessing a stored electronic communication” becomes critical. If you placed a wiretap on a telephone, or hired a computer professional to break into your spouse’s computer to monitor his chat room discussions, this is obviously an “interception.” Some courts have defined interception to mean acquiring communications as they are transmitted. If you have intercepted a message, you may not use it for any purpose. You may not tell anyone else the contents of it, even by paraphrasing. You may not use it in evidence in your divorce.

Each instance of disclosing the information to another person can theoretically be considered a separate cause of action for damages or criminal culpability. One federal court has found that even those who listen to the illegally recorded conversations can be found liable for violating the statute.

The Spousal Spying law applies to traditional telephone wiretaps, cordless telephone interceptions, electronic messages, voicemail systems, pagers, chat logs, web-streaming video, voice over IP, and recording or videotaping private face-to-face conversations. This list is not exhaustive but provides a hint of the wide-ranging application of this law to many types of communication.

This question depends on several factors. First, how did you obtain the information? If it was unintentional, you may use it any way you please. The ECPA only prohibits the intentional interception or unauthorized access to electronic communications. Therefore, if a message is sent to you in error, you may use the contents in any manner that you see fit. However, a password is required to access most email programs. If you have improperly obtained your spouse’s password, it would be illegal to access the messages.

Should you acquire electronic communications that are stored, rather than intercepting communications as they unfold, you may use the information you obtain. Most importantly, it may be used as evidence in your divorce. In addition, you may disclose it to others. However, you should be aware that by doing so, you may be exposing yourself to a lawsuit or criminal charges. Whether your individual situation could expose you to the penalties of the ECPA is a fact-specific inquiry. Therefore, it is advisable to obtain the advice of an attorney before taking any action.

The question here is whether your spouse gave up his or expectation of privacy in this email account when he or she gave you the password. The ECPA envisions this type of privacy intrusion by prohibiting not only the unauthorized access to stored communications, but by also prohibiting the access of stored communications by one exceeding her authority. In practice, this means that if the password was given to you for a certain purpose, you could not use it for other purposes. To do so could expose you to financial and criminal consequences.

Under the North Carolina statute, it is permissible to record a phone conversation if one of the parties to the communication is aware of and has consented to its being recorded. This means that you can record your own telephone calls. On the other hand, it is illegal to record telephone calls between your spouse and a third party, if neither party knows that the conversation is being recorded. It is important to be aware that some states require that both parties to a telephone call be aware of and consent to its being recorded. If you are recording a telephone call, and one of the callers is out-of-state, you could be violating the law of that state.

The 6th Circuit Court of Appeals (which is not the Circuit Court of Appeals governing North Carolina) has found that a parent may consent for a child’s conversation to be recorded. The Court required that the parent consenting for the child present a good faith, objectively reasonable basis for believing such action was necessary for the welfare of the child. However, there is no similar rule in effect for the 4th Circuit Court of Appeals, which includes North Carolina. The taping of such a conversation would be a violation of the ECPA.

It is clearly an illegal interception of a communication using a device, which would put it squarely within the prohibitions of the ECPA. Taping a child’s telephone conversation with the other parent would also violate North Carolina state criminal law (G.S. 15A-287). However, it is not illegal to use another phone in your home, in the ordinary course of business, to listen in on the conversation. This is referred to as the “extension line” exception to the ECPA. It is based on the principle that it is not illegal to monitor a conversation that one could otherwise hear legally. There is a conflict of opinion in the federal courts on whether you can record such a conversation. To do so is at your own risk of being found in violation of the ECPA.

There are both civil and criminal penalties for a violation of the ECPA. It can be very financially damaging if you are found in violation of this law. For example, a court can award damages to the victim of such eavesdropping. The damages are calculated in a way that each day of continuation of the violation gives rise to a higher amount of damages. In addition, the court can force you to pay the attorneys’ fees of the other party, which could be higher than the amount of damages.

A court may also impose additional, punitive damages if the violation is especially malicious. Finally, a court may impose a term of imprisonment not to exceed five years for a violation of the ECPA. In addition to the federal law, there are also state laws affecting your ability to engage in electronic eavesdropping. North Carolina General Statute Section 15A-287 criminalizes the willful interception, use or disclosure of the contents of any wire, oral, or electronic communication “without the consent of at least one party to the communication.” This has been categorized as a Class H felony. As if the foregoing penalties are not enough deterrent, you could also be sued under North Carolina common law for an “invasion of privacy.” Again, this could expose you to similar economic damages.

The Internet is inherently susceptible to surveillance by private individuals who are willing to put forth the expense and effort to do so. However, it is possible to place hurdles in the way of individuals without the technical knowledge to hack into your computer. Such steps include installation of firewall software, password protection, and encryption software. Firewalls help prevent unwanted access and unsolicited scans coming form the Internet. Password protection is available on all email programs.

Encryption software is an effective method of sending and storing electronic messages in a format that is illegible to someone without “decrypting” software. Should you discover that you have been the victim of an ECPA violation, you have legal recourse. You may file a lawsuit for injunctive relief (i.e. to stop the intrusion), actual damages, punitive damages, and attorneys’ fees. You are required to file such a lawsuit within two years after the date upon which you had a reasonable opportunity to discover the violation of the ECPA. The other legal actions available to you are criminal charges and a civil lawsuit for invasion of privacy under North Carolina law.

Spousal Spying FAQs
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