Parental Alienation in North Carolina

Divorcing parents will inevitably have disputes involving their children. It is certainly not uncommon for divorcing parents to find themselves arguing with their former spouse about things as trivial as who gets to drive the child to his soccer game or who gets to send snacks to school on the child’s birthday.

Some parents are at odds the moment they separate. For others, things may start off amicable enough, but down the line something happens that triggers a derailment. We had a case where the parents were getting along great until one parent took the son to a barber and allowed him to get a ‘buzz cut’ without the authorization of the other parent. That buzz cut was the catalyst for a complete breakdown in communication between the parents, and it wasn’t long before they ended up in court litigating their custody issues.

In a perfect world, parents would easily be able to put aside their differences and focus on what is best for the child. We don’t live in a perfect world, however, so when custody issues start to heat up, parents tend to lose sight of what’s important and become preoccupied with defeating their former spouse. As such an unfortunate casualty in a bitter divorce disputes can be a parent’s relationship with his or her child.

Parental Alienation Defined

Parental alienation is the phrase used to describe when one parent systematically ‘poisons’ the child against the other parent. Through words and actions the parent may succeed in convincing a child:

  • That they aren’t safe with the other parent,
  • That the other parent is tired of them,
  • That the other parent won’t let them do what they want to do,
  • That the other parent has replaced them with a new child, or
  • That the other parent no longer loves them

Sometimes it can be small, for instance, Mom tells the daughter to call her periodically from Dad’s new house, planting a seed of insecurity in the child’s mind. Sometimes it can be more serious; Dad may start telling his son that Mom doesn’t love him anymore now that she has a new boyfriend.

Keep in mind that stepparents can also be guilty of causing alienation of the other parent. Stepparents can easily cross the line in trying to bond with the child and either intentionally or unintentionally cause parental alienation to happen.

Regardless of whether this is done consciously and intentionally, or if it happens inadvertently, it can majorly impact your custody proceedings, and worse, have an adverse affect on your child.

Psychology and Parental Alienation

Gardner’s Syndrome Theory (PAS)

A child who is the victim of this poisoning might be considered to be suffering from Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). Psychiatrist Richard Gardner coined the term PAS in 1985; Gardner believed that kids whose parents deliberately poisoned them against the other parent displayed certain behaviors.

Gardner alleged that PAS was witnessed primarily in children whose parents were divorcing, and there was a palpable custody dispute. According to Gardner, PAS was the result of brainwashing and indoctrination by one parent against the other. Eventually, the child would also begin to vilify the targeted parent and display certain telling behaviors.

Gardner’s theory arose from his experience in private practice; he ultimately believed that he was witnessing an epidemic of false accusations of child sexual abuse. Additionally, Gardner’s study focused on the mother being the indoctrinating parent; at the time he developed PAS, the custodial parent was usually the mother, and he believed that mothers were guilty of the brainwashing their children against the non custodial parent (the father). Specifically, Gardner believed that he was treating many children whose mothers had brainwashed them into believing that their father was abusing them sexually.

Gardner published many books and articles on his theories on custody disputes and the impact it had on children. He also created a board game to help children dealing with divorce and provide suggestions on how to cope and he testified as an expert in over 400 child custody cases. His work had an undeniable impact on the field of child custody, and specifically how judges approach certain custody allegations, but was also (and still is) met with much criticism.

There’s No Such Thing as PAS

Let’s start by explaining that PAS is not recognized by the American Psychiatric Association, or any other medical or professional association for that matter. PAS is also not mentioned in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), which serves as the universal authority for psychiatric diagnosis in the United States. Why, you might ask?

Many scientists and jurists believe that Gardner’s theory is no more than ‘junk science,’ and that the effects of parental alienation do not rise to the level of a syndrome, defined as ‘a grouping of signs and symptoms based on their frequent co-occurrence, that may suggest a common underlying pathogenesis, course, familial pattern, or treatment selection.’ Scientists further argue that Gardner’s research was skewed, that it lacks careful analysis, and that it was based on clinical observation rather than scientific data.

Some critics claim the PAS theory to be sexist: a large part of Gardner’s theory discusses mothers turning their children against fathers (and not the other way around).

Then there were Gardner’s thoughts and writings on pedophilia that lessened his credibility amongst his peers. Gardner believed that everyone was born with the latent characteristics of pedophilia, and that it is our society’s overreaction to pedophilia that causes children to suffer. Understandably people found views like this to be polarizing.

While psychologists and psychiatrists alike are divided about the psychological repercussions of a child who is dealing with parental alienation, it is clear that it has some effect on the child, and it certainly can have legal consequences as well.

Legal Repercussions

Even though PAS is not a legitimate disorder, parental alienation rears its head in many custody disputes. Evidence of parental alienation can provide the court with an explanation for the child’s behavior or testimony, as well as paint the alienating parent in a bad light.

When a judge makes a determination on custody, she makes her decision based on the best interests of the child, after viewing all of the facts and circumstances in each case. If the evidence introduced at a custody hearing is indicative of parental alienation, the judge may in fact rule that the other parent should have more custodial time as it is not in the child’s best interest to spend a significant amount of time with a parent who has manipulated the child in such a manner.

How do you prove this? You may want to have witnesses testify about an abrupt change in your child’s attitude towards you. Or you may want to call a mental health professional that concurs that parental alienation has taken place as an expert witness. In one North Carolina case the father produced a day care application where the mother had listed her new husband as the child’s father; in that case the judge found the application to be compelling evidence that parental alienation had in fact taken place.

Signs and Symptoms

If you are wondering if your child my be suffering from parental alienation syndrome, be on the lookout for the following signs:

  • Child is inexplicably angry and hateful towards you
  • Child avoids visitation with you consistently
  • Child refuses to engage in conversations about previous positive experiences shared with you
  • Child refuses to spend time with your extended family
  • Child consistently sides with the other parent

If you see any of this sort of behavior be sure to take action. You may want to have your child treated by a therapist or other mental health professional to try to reverse the parental alienation. If you are represented by an attorney, be sure to share this suspicion with your attorney so it can be addressed through legal channels as well. Perhaps it may even be prudent to address your concerns with your former spouse, if the parental alienation is subconscious, he or she may not even be aware that it is taking place.

 

 

 

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