Alternatives to Counseling

Marriage counseling is not the only avenue you can consider if you want to try to stay together. Many alternatives exist, the most popular being weekend retreats that are quite different from counseling. Although it may be hard to believe that one weekend can make much of a difference in a long-troubled relationship, we have had clients who came into our office ready to begin divorce proceedings but then reconciled after attending one of these programs.

One popular weekend program places emphasis on a particular technique of communication between husband and wife. Couples attend in-depth presentations that focus on a specific area of a marriage relationship. They then reflect on and discuss the presentations in private. Although the weekends provide an opportunity to interact with others facing trouble in their marriages, couples do not share any aspect of their marriages with the group. The sponsors, who state up front that the weekends are not a “miracle cure,” have designed follow-up sessions to build on the progress made during the weekend.

Many of these weekend programs are faith based but welcome people of all religions. You may want to check with a leader of your spiritual community about a similar program within your faith. One program that is usually led by mental health professionals is Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills (PAIRS). The group offers a variety of relationship courses, ranging from one-day sessions to multi-session courses consisting of 120 hours spread over several months.

In an ideal world, couples would take measures such as attending these marriage weekends recreationally. Some couples plan an annual marriage checkup, sometimes involving a restoration vacation, just as they might go to a doctor for a physical checkup. There are even some programs specifically designed for this. Without making a specific plan to nurture your marriage, it’s easy to let work, kids, and health issues take priority. Just as with a physical problem, finding a relationship issue early and dealing with it can avoid a lot of pain in the long run.

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